North Carolina Basketball Updates with Laughs by Eli Barsoum

3/9/2025

“Welcome to Cassell Coliseum!” the Virginia Tech Hokies said to the Tar Heels on Tuesday night before their 7:00 pm matchup. “Please, make yourselves feel at home because our defense sure will!”

… And that’s exactly what the Tar Heels did. Despite trailing 23-21 with 7:44 to go in the first half, UNC unleashed a 48-12 run over the course of the next 15 minutes, securing a victory prior to their rivalry matchup against the Blue Devils on the following Saturday.

Saturday night came and let’s just say Duke didn’t put out a welcome mat for UNC like the Hokies did just days earlier. Kon Knueppel emerged as a significant shooting threat for Duke in the first half, hitting a couple of threes and a jumper. Apparently, the Heels forgot that Duke had more weapons than just Cooper Flagg.

However, despite Duke’s long stretch of dominant play, UNC closed the gap in the final minutes of the first half, securing just a one point deficit.

After the break, the Tar Heels came in with a solid run, eventually leading the game 52-47. Then, after a brief timeout, the Blue Devils casually cruised on a 21-9 run. To remind his players not to have a repeat of their only ACC loss against Clemson, Jon Scheyer must have handed out some Red Bulls like they were candy.

With just 7:12 to go Elliot Cadeau managed to sink a three, narrowing the gap to four. The Tar Heels “kept it up” after that because they managed to score three more points… in seven minutes.

Since UNC forgot they were allowed to score in those final minutes, the Blue Devils secured a tragic 82-69 victory and the number 1 seed in the ACC tournament. With the loss, the Tar Heels dropped to the five seed, and they’ll play the winner of Notre Dame and Pitt this coming Wednesday. If they somehow make it to the semifinals on Friday they might have a chance to experience the sweet joy of being crushed by Duke once again! Might as well keep the tradition at this point.

3/2/2025

Another week flies by and the Tar Heels are at it again. Seriously, RJ Davis and the other UNC talents are making their opponents wish they scheduled a spa day instead.

They kicked off the week with a trouncing at Florida State’s Tucker Center. Once again, UNC’s rebounding prowess was absurd. The Heels picked up boards on the offensive end like a child taking all of the candy from the pumpkin in October. 

To maximize their offensive efficiency, senior star RJ Davis led the team with 20 points, shooting 5 for 9 from the field and knocking down a few from downtown. Weirdly though, Florida State shot 50% from outside compared to UNC’s 38.5% and still fell short of the Tar Heels’ 96 points. Math is cruel.

To continue their late season dominance, the Tar Heels invited the Miami Hurricanes to the Smith Center on Saturday. Miami star Paul Djobet showed up to dominate, flushing 0 points and 0 assists in a whopping 20 mins of playing time. It’s a good thing his phenomenal performance made up for Ugochukwu’s 3 points in 22 minutes.

For the home side, forward Ven-Allen Lubin held the spotlight yesterday, scoring nineteen points and shooting 9-10 from the field. At the start of the second half he scored 10 of the Tar Heels’ first 12 points, making fans wonder if the Hurricanes left their sense in the locker room.

Ultimately, the white and blue side dominated both their games, chasing down their tournament chances like a dog chasing its tail, except this time they actually got a bite.

This coming week, they will hope to breeze by a mediocre Virginia Tech squad as a warmup for next Saturday’s game against Cooper Flagg and the Duke Blue Devils—because let’s be honest, the Tar Heels’ best shot at winning is making sure their uniforms look stylish on the TV.

2/23/2025

You know when you see a movie and love it, and then they come out with a sequel and it essentially repeats the same plot with slightly different details. For those of you that have seen the original Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, their plots are so redundant that you almost start to get the two mixed up. In the case of UNC Men’s Basketball in February, they were so successful with their dominant win against the NC State Wolfpack on Wednesday that they had to do it again against UVA on Saturday.

Following last week’s close game against Syracuse, the Tar Heels apparently decided that they needed to stop hitting the snooze button if they wanted a shot at making the NCAA tournament next month. 

On Wednesday, a snowstorm blanketed the Tar Heel Campus and the doors to the Smith Center were opened 90 minutes prior to game time and no tickets were required. But was this really the slap to the face they needed to recover their shaky season? Nah. More likely than not it was the terrible Wolfpack performance that gave the Tar Heels a 24 point win.

UNC’s RJ Davis dropped 21 himself and led UNC to victory, despite the fact that he went 1 for 8 from three. His feeble attempts to catch fire from beyond the arc looked more like he was lighting a wet sparkler than a grand finale for a fireworks show.

However, his inaccuracy from deep wasn’t a dealbreaker considering the fact that the Wolfpack went 8 for 24 from downtown. Off the bench, freshman Trey Parker converted none of his four attempts. However, he found a way to make up for it … by committing four turnovers.

Finally, the tortuous matchup concluded with a 97-73 victory for the Tar Heels. Maybe NC State might have tightened the gap if they decided to, you know, not have a disastrous night of shooting.

Just three days later, another ACC rival came down to the Smith Center, the Virginia Cavaliers. In this one, the Tar Heels opened the game up 21-2, making their opponents question their life choices.

In a way, the Cavaliers performance on Saturday was even more of an embarrassment than the Wolfpack’s. They somehow managed to pick up ZERO offensive rebounds while the Tar Heels managed to get 11. It was truly like they were playing a game of “ball is lava” instead of basketball.

Unfortunately for the Wahoos, UNC shot 56.3% from beyond the arc in this one in addition to their rebounding prowess, eventually giving the hosts an 81-66 victory.

Ultimately, the Tar Heels dominated their opponents this week in the same way that Kevin bested the criminals in Home Alone and its sequel. On Monday, they will face off against the Florida St. Seminoles in a game that will be crucial to their chances at making the NCAA tournament. But you know what, if the Tar Heels continue to perform like they did this week, the Seminoles might need more than just a couple of booby traps to take them down.

2/16/2025

You ever have one of those days where you’re running late, juggling your coffee, and trying not to drop your keys—and then you spill the coffee anyway?

Yeah, that was this game. North Carolina walked into the JMA Wireless Dome on Saturday night needing a win like a fish needs water. A loss? Bubble-bursting. Disaster. And yet, they somehow managed to pull out an 88-82 victory that was uglier than a deformed chipmunk.

But hey, it counts. Freshman Ian Jackson showed up like he had something to prove, knocking down five threes and dropping 23 points. Jae’Lyn Withers—who usually picks his spots like a pro—decided tonight was his time, sinking 19 points and going 7 for 10 from the field. Senior RJ Davis did a little of everything: 16 points, six assists, five boards, and at least one moment where he probably considered taking over the game himself. He didn’t, but the idea was there.

For a while, UNC looked comfortable. Too comfortable. They led by 11 early in the second half, and that’s when Syracuse’s J.J. Starling decided to set his hair on fire and torch the Tar Heels, Clemson style. Syracuse erased the lead in minutes, and the Dome got loud. You could practically hear the panic coming from the light blue side. Tar Heel fans everywhere had that “not again” look on their faces following the disaster of last Monday’s game versus the Tigers.

Then Withers said, “Actually, no” and decided that he felt like taking over once more, chest bumping RJ Davis in the process like it was some WWE smackdown. A jumper, two three-point plays, and suddenly UNC was back up nine. Crisis averted? Of course not. This is North Carolina basketball in February, 2025—we don’t do easy.

Syracuse clawed back to within two in the final minute, but Elliot Cadeau, who had been as low-key as a sloth on vacation, hit a clutch lefty layup. Davis knocked down some free throws, and UNC escaped with the kind of win you don’t brag about, but it counts in the standings.

Not a masterpiece, but in February, a win is a win. The Tar Heels head home to face an NC State team that’s been struggling so badly they might start shooting for the wrong basket just to mix things up.

But if we’ve learned anything about this UNC squad, it’s that they love to keep things interesting. Too interesting.

Eli Barsoum