12/6/2024
The latest rankings are out for Division II Men's hoop and the only surprise team on the list is the Colorado School of “Mines”. Basketball is a game best played by sharing the ball with teammates, so obviously a possessive team focused on mine mine mine, instead of yours yours yours would not be expected to succeed. We will keep an eye on this greedy bunch as we go forward.
Because Division I gets all the major press, I suggest some major rule changes in Division II to garner it more coverage.
1 Add four point shots. Many have suggested this for the NBA, making anything behind half court a four point shot. I'm not suggesting that. Half court shots are rare and we don't need to have teams heaving air balls all over creation just because of some subtle rule change. I'm suggesting we take the hardest shot in basketball, the one that keeps these kids up at night; you guessed it - the mid range jumper, and make it worth four points. I doubt anyone is gonna venture in there to take one, since it is almost a guaranteed miss these days, but the news will get out about the possibility of it and I believe more people will tune in.
2 We've all seen Shaka Smart coach. He annually leads the nation in illegal screens as he places his body in harms way all game long, interfering with point guards on both teams as he seeks the best angle to instruct his players. So why not one up Division I by allowing Division II coaches to not only coach from inside the court, but allow them to block shots as well? Tell me you wouldn't enjoy hearing an announcer say, “Duluth is coached by Justin Wieck, who is coming off a four block game last week vs. Lincoln Memorial. Tonight he will be guarding one of the top players in the nation, while wearing a suit and tie, this should be a good one.”
3 The most exciting shot of any basketball game that I've attended was at halftime when the shooter vaults himself in the air off a small portable trampoline. I think you can fill in the rest on this one.
4 Instead of the lame possession arrow, replace it by taking the two players involved in the tie up, and putting them inside a mosh pit with several drunk students. Put punk rock band Scream on full blast over the loudspeakers and let the fun begin. Place the refs inside the mosh pit too so they can call fouls. Whoever comes out with the ball retains possession.
5 My last suggestion to get Division II more coverage is to make overtime more fun. We just watched these teams play 40 minutes and they couldn't settle it; don't force us to watch 5 more minutes of the same thing. This past summer I attended an Indian Pow Wow and was treated to the most entertaining game ever, FIRE BALL!! A ball dressed in rags and marinated in kerosene for three days is lit and tossed out onto the playing field. Mad fun. If this doesn't bring in more ratings nothing will.
11/29/2024
Folks, Division II Mens basketball is now in full swing. The latest rankings have Nova Southeastern still at the top. What jumps out at me is a team from South Carolina that is sizzling the nets at a 122 points a game clip. That is not a typo, they are scoring 122 points a game. The leader in Division I is Kentucky with 95 points a game, so 122 is saying something. In order to score that many, you'd have to play at a really frenetic pace, so what better name to have than Coker! That's right, the aptly named Coker University is scoring 122 points a game.
When asked how they feel after scoring so many points, the players said, “We end up very rundown. But scoring is a habit, and we don't plan to kick it.” Look for this team to get into the top 25 rankings soon while also being way over budget, unless of course they get the help they need.
11/22/2024
The Division 2 Mens Basketball final will be March 25-29th at the Ford Center in Evansville, Indiana. I plan on heading out to the Pocket City to see it live this time around. This week I want to share what it might be like if Division 2 Men's Hoop had their own classified ads.
Division two classified ads:
Quick guard seeking new home. Well rested, haven't played in three years. Responder must have gaping hole at point guard and the understanding that I tend to turn it over a lot. Like a real lot. 543-000-0000
Coaching vacancy. North Iowa Junior College of South Iowa seeks mid season replacement assistant coach. Position requires the ability to film games, scout opponents and absorb basketballs fired at your skull by our maniac head coach. 800 Con-Cuss
Cheerleader seeking new boyfriend after midseason breakup with star guard. Applicant must be in Division two or higher, to make him jealous cuz that loser is in D3. I'm five five, 100 lbs, and live in Iowa. Will travel to make this happen. @d3losernomore
Tennessee Village University seeking full time video analyst. Applicant must have good sea legs and be able to handle footage from our rather shaky camera man, who was recently diagnosed with Tourettes and Parkinson's. Barf bags will be supplied. 098-VER-TIGO
College of the Interior seeks part time painter. Paint on our court has faded to where the ref has to guess if it was a three or not. Applicant must be able to paint in an arc motion. 555-666-9999
College of the Interior seeks part time painter. Paint on our free throw lines has deteriorated to the point where refs no longer call fouls, cuz they don't want to have to guess where the free throw line is. Applicant must be able to paint in a straight line. If you know someone who paints arcs see above. 555-666-9999
Basketballs!! who needs basketballs? We at NCAA headquarters are up to our asses in basketballs. Ever wonder what happens to all the balls after a season is over? They end up back here in our f$##@ offices. I don't sneak my secretary into the office and fool around with her, but if I did it would be like trying to hump a stuffed monkey in the Ball Pit at Chuck E. Cheese. ( I actually did fool around with her once, but let's keep that tween us.) So give us a call, ask for the Ball Dept and we can ship a trailer full of these right your way.
11/15/2024
Hey folks,
If you're like me, and you bet the house on Nova Southeastern to mimic the KC Chiefs and run the table while repeating as champs - they're off to a 4-0 start. The Chiefs have Mahomes, and the Nova Sharks have a player named MJ, who is currently second in the nation in scoring.
Snooping around a D2 program this week, I stumbled across the Daily Planner of a player.
Some interesting nuggets so I thought I'd share it with you.
7 am. Wake up, practice jump shot by tossing underwear into hamper. Practice hook shot by tossing socks into hamper. Practice finger roll by picking nose and dropping dried crud ball into the radiator vent.
7:06 am. Wake up roommate by practicing dunks on metal trash can with rolled up, past due assignments.
7:24 am. Shower off yesterday's training sweat from the 4pm practice.
725 am. Eat breakfast, consisting of last night's pizza slices, and whatever edible delights you find in your shoe.
7:26 pm. Call Mom, ask her to send money.
8 am. Head to philosophy class. Spend class going over coaches recent defensive alignments. Feign interest in philosophy lesson by raising hand once and asking if Nietzsche would have been more of a man to man or a zone guy.
10 am. Walk to next class. Spend the time writing told ya so letters to all D1 coaches who passed you over, and currently have no wins. Feign interest in this class by raising hand and asking if marine biology is an oxymoron since biology is about living things, but Marines kill people.
12 pm. Eat lunch at school cafeteria. Choose seat near mens room since you'll be sprinting in there shortly thereafter.
1230 pm. Send those aforementioned letters out to the college programs that suck. Call Mom. Ask her to send more stamps.
1pm. Walk to next class. Sit in back and take nap before practice. Near end of class, begin stretching out, using desk as a leg holder.
4 pm. Practice!
6 pm Walk back to dorm. Fetch underwear out of hamper and take twenty more jump shots.
7 pm. Turn on ESPN and watch D1 game. Tweet at both teams telling them to "come get ya."
8:30 pm. Buckle down and do homework.
8:33 pm. Relax and get ready for bed. Practice is in 19.5 hours !
10/25/2024
The start of the season is upon us in Division two college basketball. I feel like Division 2 is often overlooked and it shouldn't be. It's very difficult to play division 2 college basketball. 1.3% of all high school basketball players end up playing Division 2. That's roughly the same odds as trying to catch fish by driving a car off a bridge with the windows open. I bring this up because that was my project in college. I was unsuccessful in my endeavor to catch fish using a Honda Civic as bait. So many factors come into play. You have to hit the water at the perfect angle. You have to have the right speed and you have to come into an area where there are fish. Above and beyond that, you have to be able to swim. So I'll be sharing my insights throughout the season. The defending champs, Minnesota State, will be a force to reckon with, as their All American Drew Blair returns for another season. There has been a lot of turnover in the Division 2 off-season, so experience could play a big part in the upcoming year.
Comments