We at College Basketball Times have decided to take our somewhat successful Domination Rankings concept (ranking together all categories: women, men, wheelchair, D1, D2, D3, NAIA, JUCO . . . .) and apply it to just D1 Men. Uh Dave, doesn't that seem to completely contrary to the purpose of the Domination Rankings and CBT's non-profit mission of equality? Well, we also decided to add a brand new purpose to our mission - providing something our readers actually ask for. So you ask, and you shall receive. Though odds are that you didn't ask, but I assure you others did. I think.
Anyway, these rankings are NOT our assertion as to who the best team is. Instead they should let you know who the most dominant teams have been so far (based on record, average margin of victory [AMOV], and a super secret strength of schedule formula) Make sense? Uh, not really Dave. Then take a look below and I think you'll get it. And you might even get a few laughs. You mean the rankings are a joke, Dave? No, not at all. I did, however, provide some hopefully humorous comments, as did other comedians and humor writers. Though if you feel compelled to laugh at the rankings, that works for me too.
Sincerely,
Dave Barend - Grand Poobah
Men's D1 Domination Rankings - 3/4/2024
1.Purdue Boilermakers - 26-3 - AMOV - 14.45
Beat 5 Loss Samford & 6L AZ, Gonzaga, Tenn, 7L Marquette, Illinois, 8L Morehead, 9L Alabama, NW
2.Houston Cougars - 26-3 - AMOV 17.17
Beat 6 loss Dayton, Iowa St, 8L @ BYU, @Baylor 9L Texas Tech, 10L Montana, Texas A&M Corpus Christi, Texas (twice, once @) @Oklahoma
3. UConn Huskies - 26-3 - AMOV 17.62
Beat 6 Loss UNC, Gonzaga, 7L Marquette, 8L Creighton, 10L Texas
4. McNeese State Cowboys - 27-3 - AMOV 18.83
Beat 10 Loss @VCU, Tennessee-Martin, Texas A&M Corpus Christi (twice, once @)
5. South Carolina Gamecocks - 24-5 -AMOV 6.45
Beat 4Loss Grand Canyon, 6L @Tenn, 8L Kentucky, 9L Mississippi (twice, once @), Florida, 10L Miss. St.
6.Utah State Aggies - 24-5 AMOV 10.21
Beat 7L San Diego St, 8L Akron, UC-Irvine, Boise St (twice, once @), 9L San Fran, 10L UNLV
7. Tennessee Volunteers - 23-6 - AMOV 13.28
Beat 7L Illinois, Tarleton Aubrub, 8L @UK, 9L Mississippi, Florida, Alabama (twice, once @)
8. Appalachian State Mountaineers - 26-5 - AMOV 12.58
Beat 3L James Madison (twice, once @), 7L Auburn, 9L UNC-Wilmington
9. Grand Canyon Lopes - 26-4 - AMOV 12.70
Beat 7 Loss SD St., Tarleton 8L La-Tech, 9L San Fran
10. Princeton Tigers - 23-3 AMOV 11.42
Beat 6L Cornell, 8L Yale
11. North Carolina Tar Heels - 23-6 - AMOV 11.03
Beat 6L Duke, Tenn, 8L Okla 9L @Clemson, @UVA, 10L SU, @Pitt
12.James Madison Dukes - 26-3 - AMOV 15.29
Beat 8L Akron
13. San Diego State Aztecs - 22-7 AMOV 9.21
Beat 5L Utah State, 6L Nevada, @Gonzaga, 7L St. Mary's, 8L NM, Irvine, 9L Colo St, 10L UC-SD
14 Gonzaga Bulldogs - 24-6 - AMOV 17.55
Beat 7L @ St. Mary’s,8L @Kentucky, Yale, 9L San Fran (twice, once @), 10L Syracuse
15. Iowa State Cyclones - 23-6 AMOV 14.69
Beat 3L Houston, 8L KU, 9L Texas Tech, 10L VCU, TCU (twice, once @), Okla
16. Nevada Wolf Pack - 24-6 - AMOV 9.87
Beat 5L Utah State, 7L San Diego St, 9L Colorado St (twice, once 2) 10L TCU, Montana, UNLV
17. Arizona Wildcats 23-6 - AMOV 17.07
Beat 6L @Duke, 9L Ala, Colorado (twice, once @), 10L Oregon (twice, once @)
18. South Florida Bulls - 22-5 - AMOV 7.07
Beat 7L FAU 8L Loyola-Chicago, 8L @ Memphis, Kentucky, 10L SMU
19. Kansas Jayhawks - 21-8 AMOV 8.21
Beat 3L UConn, Houston 6L Tenn, 8L Baylor, Yale, UK 10L Okla (twice, once @), TCU
20.Samford Bulldogs 25-5 AMOV 12.32 -
Beat 9L Western Carolina (twice, once @), 10L Greensboro (twice, once @)
21. Drake Bulldogs - 24-6 - AMOV 9.97
Beat 5L Indiana St, 6L Nevada, 8L Akron, 10L Bradley (twice, once @)
22. Indiana State Sycamores - 26-5 - AMOV 12.52
Beat 6L Drake, 10L Bradley (twice, once @)
23.Baylor Bears - 22-8 - AMOV 10.67
Beat 6L Iowa St, Cornell, 7L Auburn 8L BYU, KU 9L Texas Tech, Florida 10L @TCU, Oklahoma
24. New Mexico Lobos - 21-8- AMOV 10.93
Beat 5L Utah St & 6L Nevada (twice, once @), 7L SD ST., 8L UC-Irvine La-Tech, 9L Colo St.
25. St. Mary's Gaels - 24-7 - AMOV 15.77
Beat 6L @Gonzaga, 8L New Mexico, 9L San Fran (twice, once @), @Colorado State, 10L UNLV
26. Vermont Catamounts 24-6 AMOV 9.97
Beat 7L Charleston, 8L Yale, Lowell, (twice, once @)
27. Washington State Cougars - 23-7 - AMOV 8.00
Beat 6L Arizona (twice, once @), 8L Boise St, 9L Colorado, @Oregon
28. Duke Blue Devils - 24-6 AMOV 13.57
Beat 8L Baylor, 9L Clemson, UVA, 10L @Pitt, SU
29. Auburn Tigers - 22-7 - AMOV 14.55
Beat 5L S. Carolina, 9L Mississippi (twice & @), Alabama,10L St. Bona, Miss. St.
30. Cornell Big Red - 21-6 - AMOV 8.04
Beat 3L Princeton, 8L Yale, 9L Colgate
31. Kentucky Wildcats - 21-8 - AMOV 10.41
Beat 6L UNC, 7L Auburn, 9L Alabama, Miss, Fla, 10L Miss St. (twice, once @)
32. Alabama Crimson Tide - 20-9 - AMOV 11.66
Beat 5L S Carolina, Indiana St, 7L Auburn, 8L Morehead, 9L Fla, Miss, 10L @Miss St. Oregon
33. Florida Atlantic Owls - 22-7 - AMOV 9.97
Beat 6L Arizona, 7L Charleston, 8L Loyola-Chicago 10L St. Bona, SMU
34. Dayton Flyers - 22-6 - AMOV 8.86
Beat 9L Youngstown St., 10L @SMU, Mass, St. Bona
35. Richmond Spiders 22-7 AMOV 7.45
Beat 6L Dayton, 8L @loyola-Chicago, 10L UNLV, St. Bona
36. Creighton Blue Jays - 22-8 - AMOV 11.63
Beat 3L UConn, 7L Marquette, 8L Loyola-Chicago, 9L Alabama, Nebraska
37. BYU Cougars - 21-8 - AMOV 13.28
Beat 6L Iowa St, 7L San Diego St, 8L Baylor, @KU, 10L TCU
38. Marquette Golden Eagles - 22-7 - AMOV 10.07
Beat 7L @Illinois, KU, 8L KU, Creighton
39. Illinois Fighting Illini - 22-7 - AMOV 11.55
Beat 7L FAU, 9L Colgate, Northwestern, Nebraska
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (22-7 - AMOV 11.55)
Illinois beat Wisconsin in Madison to hand them their seventh loss in the past nine Big 10 games. The Badgers have been about as effective the past two months as Nikki Haley has been in the Republican primary and as Kamala Harris has been as the border czar.- Mike Hurley
Kentucky Wildcats - Men's NCAA D1 (21-8 - AMOV 14.06)
The Kentucky offensive juggernaut won a buzzer beater in Starkville then returned home and tangled with Pig Sooey, ultimately defeating the ‘Hogs 111-102 with a balanced attack of 7 players in double figures. Attending the NBA All-Star Game REALLY has done wonders for Coach Cal’s defensive sets…as opponents averaged 95 a game this past week. Jerry Stackhouse’s Vandy squad rolls into Rupp Wednesday for a whupping, before the ‘Cats finish the SEC regular season in Knoxville on Saturday, with a Top 4 SEC Tournament double bye at stake. No liver knows the importance of the double bye more than those supporting the Big Blue Nation….. Nashville, St. Patty’s Weekend, Cold Beverages, Country Music, Girls in skirts and cowboy boots….made me realize over a decade ago that Dean Wormer could NOT have been more wrong!! - Kevin Florenz, honorary alum
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (12-17 AMOV -1.90)
Including Saturday’s win over Clemson, Irish guard Markus Burton has scored 80 points over the team’s last three games. Impressive. But Saturday was also the anniversary of Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 point game for the Philadelphia Warriors. Very impressive. Did you know that game was not televised, there exists no video footage, and not a single member of the New York press was there. Round earth? Moon landing? 100 points in a single NBA game? Nice try, but Kyrie Irving and I are not buying it. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (11-17 AMOV 0.86)
Senior guard Clark Slajchert scored his 1,000th point for the Quakers over the weekend in a win over Columbia. He reached the coveted number by converting his patented “floater in the lane.” I could be wrong but I’m pretty sure “Floater in the Lane” is also either the name of an early Elton John record or a fruity drink hawked by vendors in front of Buckingham Palace. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (14-16 AMOV 1.10)
As the calendar turns from February to March, Penn State basketball fans can easily look past this week’s 2 losses—a 90-81 road loss to Iowa and a 75-70 defeat at Minnesota—by focusing on what really matters. The Nittany Lions wrestling team heads to the B1G tourney and eventual national championship race ranked #1, seeking their 10th national title since 2011, coinciding with the arrival of Cael Sanderson as head coach in 2009. March Matness, baby! - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (18-11 AMOV 4.17)
This week was the biggest of the season for the Friars, needing at very least a home win vs. Villanova (mega bonus for road win at Marquette) to stay in the hunt for the Big Dance. They did neither, posting double-digit losses. I do not have a game summary for Marquette because the game was over after 2 minutes so I turned it off. Against Villanova, however, PC was in great shape at halftime. Then for some reason it appeared that they forgot that the ball needs to go into the hoop every so often. The Friars will have one last chance to make a statement on Saturday vs UCONN. I expect next week's blurb to read similar to this one. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (17-10- AMOV 6.61)
The St Bonaventure Bonnies had perhaps their biggest win of the season Wednesday night soundly beating Loyola of Chicago 79 - 64 in the friendly confines of the Reilly Center. The Bonnies never let the Ramblers get closer than 10 points the entire 2nd half ! The Bonnies had an unusual late season bye on Saturday just at a time when their fans were ready to continue their momentum into the final week of the A10 season - the schedulers pulled the proverbial rug out from under the Bonnies just as they started their late season sprint!- James Healy
The Bonnies, off a mid week victory vs Loyola Chicago head to Nation’s Capitol on Wednesday to face George Washington, before wrapping the regular season next Saturday vs the Billikens. Evidently GW changed their moniker this offseason and are no longer known as the Colonials…apparently a supermajority of “over 530 students” found the moniker “extremely offensive” yet somehow believed “Revolutionaries” would “unify the community”?1?! In keeping with inside the beltway spirit, I have it from a reliable, anonymous but unimpeachable source, that other names under consideration including: “Anarchists” “Insurrectionists”, “Insurgents”, “Mutineers”, “Seditionists” and the ever popular “Rabble Rousers” were already claimed by other spurious groups. Unfortunately “George”, the dashing sash adorned mascot could not be reached for comment on the 3-13 in conference record. - Kevin Florenz
St. John’s Red Storm - Men’s NCAA D1 (17-12 - AMOV 6.17)
What a weekend for the St John's Red Storm!!! They jumped up several spots in the rankings and are back on the bubble for NCAA tournament consideration. Their NET is now #39 and KenPom #29. Who did they beat to jump up so high??? No one, they were off this weekend. Keep up the good work Johnnies!!! - Brendan Angelini
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (4-27 AMOV -12.68)
In their final game of the season Stonehill lost 79-67 to NEC leader Central Connecticut State ending their second installment as a member of the Northeast Conference. The bad news they placed last at 4-27. The good news, FOUR times this season they were 1-0. -BMC Class of ’88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (24-6 AMOV 9.97)
The Catamounts pounded on UMass-Lowell last night to round out the regular season. On another note, fruit snacks are just diabetes action figures. - Clayton Trutor
Yes, we realize this team is not D2, but the joke is funny:
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (19-11 AMOV 9.97)
Bentley men’s basketball lost to Pace 85-77. I have to assume the time out talks get a little confusing when you're facing a team named after a popular basketball term. I hate the pace. Wait, you mean the team we're playing? I want to pick up the pace. Pick them up? They’re already here! This is the worst pace we've had all year. The worst? They're killing us, what game are you watching? To make matters even more difficult, the Pace team has a kid named Tray. At one point the Bentley coach turned to his team and asked, "Why do you keep knocking that Tray kid down?" It's a wonder Bentley didn’t lose by 50. (In case you're wondering Tray missed his only three point attempt) - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (24-5 AMOV 11.17)
The Bentley Women's team downed the aptly named Pace Setters in their recent match. Pace had one of the smallest rosters I've seen all year, with the starters playing most of the minutes and only two subs seeing action. Tired legs most likely did them in, as they only shot 2 of 9 from three and 60% from the line. When the starters were asked at the post game presser if they'd like to get more rest, they didn't answer, as they were asleep. - Paul Nardizzi
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Women's NCAA D1 (21-6 AMOV 19.19)
Notre Dame's win over Clemson on Thursday came on "senior night". However, the 3 seniors on the team are all juniors in eligibility. So I imagine the emotional pre game festivities were along the lines of ... thanks for everything, see you at practice in a few months? - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (15-11 AMOV 3.715)
Penn women’s basketball captured a 69-67 win against Harvard, securing the fourth and final spot in Ivy Madness. As it turns out “Ivy Madness” is the conference’s postseason tournament set to take place in March — and has nothing to do with that time my cousin Jonas came into contact with some Poison Sumac and for several hours spoke with a Scottish accent. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-25 - AMOV -11.76)
Richmond defeated St. Bonaventure 61-46 on Saturday, clinching the A-10 title while the Bonnies finished 15th. Weird. I learned in my theology class that, every once in a while, David does defeat Goliath. But I guess when David face Goliath he didn't shoot 20% from deep. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - February 27, 2024
1.Purdue Boilermakers - 25-3 - AMOV - 14.75
Beat 4 Loss Samford & 6L AZ, Gonzaga, Tenn, Marquette, 7L Illinois, 8L Ala, Morehead, NW 9L @ Wisc
2.Houston Cougars - 24-3 - AMOV 18.07
Beat 5 loss Dayton, 6L Iowa St, 8L Texas Tech, @ BYU, @Baylor 9L Montana
3. UConn Huskies - 25-3 - AMOV 18.31
Beat 6 Loss UNC, Gonzaga, Marquette, 8L Creighton, 9L Providence
(See below for some humor by alum James Dunn.)
4. Kansas Jayhawks - 21-6 AMOV - 9.41
Beat 3L UConn, Houston 6L Tenn, 8L Baylor, Yale, UK Okla (twice, once @) 9L TCU
5. McNeese State Cowboys - 25-3 - AMOV 19.41
Beat 9L @VCU, @UAB
6. Appalachian State Mountaineers - 24-5 - AMOV 11.79
Beat 3L James Madison (twice, once @), 6L Auburn, 8L UNC-Wilmington
7. South Carolina Gamecocks - 22-5 -AMOV 6.63
Beat 4L Grand Canyon, 6L @Tenn, 7L 8L Miss St, Kentucky, Mississippi (twice, once @)
8. Grand Canyon Lopes - 24-4 - AMOV 11.79
Beat 7 Loss SD St., San Fran, Tarleton 8L La-Tech
9. Utah State Aggies - 22-5 AMOV 10.37
Beat 7L San Diego St, Akron, SanFran 8L Colorado St, UC-Irvine, Boise St (twice, once @)
10.James Madison Dukes - 26-3 - AMOV 15.79
Beat 7L Akron
11.Samford Bulldogs 25-4 AMOV 13.52
Beat 9L Western Carolina (twice, once @), Greensboro (twice, once @)
12. North Carolina Tar Heels - 22-6 - AMOV 11.11
Beat 5L Duke 6L Tenn, 8L UVA, Okla 9L @Clemson, @Pitt, WF
13. Tennessee Volunteers - 21-6 - AMOV 13.70 - 974.20
Beat 7L Illinois, Tarleton 8L Ala, Fla, @UK, Mississippi, 9L George Mason, @Wisc
14. St. Mary's Gaels - 23-6 - AMOV 16.41 - 972.91
Beat 6L @Gonzaga, 7L New Mexico, San Fran (twice, once @), 8L @Colorado State,
15. Princeton Tigers - 21-3 AMOV 11.71 - 969.71
Beat 8L Yale
16. San Diego State Aztecs - 21-7 AMOV 9.25 - 967.25
Beat 5L Utah State, 6L Nevada, @Gonzaga, St. Mary's, 7L NM, 8L Irvine, Colo St, 9L UC-SD
17. Iowa State Cyclones - 21-6 AMOV 15.00 - 965.50
Beat 3L Houston, 6L KU, 8L Texas Tech, 9L VCU, TCU (twice, once @),
18. Arizona Wildcats 21-6 - AMOV 16.93 - 962.43
Beat 6L @Duke, 8L Ala, 9L @Oregon, Colorado (twice, once @), Wisc
19. New Mexico Lobos - 21-7- AMOV 11.68 - 959.68
Beat 5L Utah St & 6L Nevada (twice, once @), 7L SD ST., 8L UC-Irvine La-Tech, Colo St.
20. South Florida Bulls - 21-5 - AMOV 6.77 - 954.19
Beat 7L FAU, Loyola-Chicago, 8L @ Memphis, Kentucky, 9L SMU
21. Indiana State Sycamores - 24-5 - AMOV 12.34 - 951.84
Beat 6L Drake
22. Cornell Big Red - 20-5 - AMOV 8.52 - 951.02
Beat 3L Princeton, 8L Yale, 9L Colgate
23. Nevada Wolf Pack - 22-6 - AMOV 10.18 - 948.68
Beat 5L Utah State, 7L San Diego St, 8L Colorado St. 9L TCU, Montana
24. Auburn Tigers - 21-6 - AMOV 15.37 - 947.50
Beat 5L S. Carolina, 8L Mississippi (twice & @), Alabama
25. Drake Bulldogs - 23-6 - AMOV 10.31 - 944.31
Beat 5L Indiana St, 6L Nevada, 7L Akron, 9L Bradley
26. Marquette Golden Eagles - 21-6 - AMOV 10.52 -939.91
Beat 6L KU, 7L @Illinois, KU, 8L Creighton, 9L Seton Hall
27 Gonzaga Bulldogs - 23-6 - AMOV 17.69 - 939.19
Beat 7L San Fran, 8L @Kentucky, Yale
28. Alabama Crimson Tide - 19-8 - AMOV 12.22
Beat 5L S Carolina, Indiana St, 6L Auburn, 8L Morehead, Fla, @Miss St. 9L Oregon
29. Dayton Flyers - 21-5 - AMOV 9.19 - 934.69
Beat 9L @SMU, Youngstown St.
30. Duke Blue Devils - 20-5 AMOV 12.68 - 933.17
Beat 8L Baylor, Clemson, 9L @Pitt, WF
31. Washington State Cougars - 21-7 - AMOV 8.04 - 931.04
Beat 6L Arizona (twice, once @), 8L Boise St, 9L Colorado, @Oregon
(See below for sum humor by alum Shawn O'Neal.)
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
UConn Huskies - Men's NCAA D1 (25-3 - AMOV 17.18)
Trip to Omaha,
Top of the polls, all smiles,
Too cool, play the fool
-James Dunn, UConn grad & Haiku master
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets Men's NCAA D1 (12-16 - AMOV -4.50)
Georgia Tech had a big comeback win on the road in Miami to cap off a week where they went 2 for 3. The late, great Meatloaf said “2 out of 3 ain’t bad”. In college, that was a D, which was my grade in Electromagnetics 1 going into the final. If not for a comeback win of my own in the final, I would have never achieved that C for the class! #Winning - Chris Pelc
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (20-7 - AMOV 11.81)
The Fighting Illini were left without any fight in them at the end of their recent game against Penn State. They were up by 7 points with 37 seconds left. Missed shots, missed free throws, terrible defense, turnovers, and a Coleman Hawkins foul on a three-point attempt that allowed Penn State to hit all three and escape with a win made this ending even worse than the series finale of Seinfeld. Serenity now! - Mike Hurley
Kentucky Wildcats - Men's NCAA D1 (19-8 - AMOV 10.78)
Kentucky completed a 1-1 week with a one point loss to LSU down in the Bayou of Baton Rouge….. only to return home and blast ‘Bama on Saturday 117-95. The Bama defense, eerily reminiscent of the hallmark matador defenses of the Paul Westhead Loyola Marymount squads of the late 80’s, put on another impressive display with their 5th game of allowing 90 or more, matching the ‘Cats stellar record. It remains to be seen how either of these two SEC defensive stalwarts will handle any squad that shows even the slightest of effort beyond defensive indifference. - Kevin Florenz, honorary alum
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (10-17 AMOV -2.48)
Syracuse survived a furious comeback attempt on Saturday to beat Notre Dame on "Jim Boeheim Day." A post game ceremony honored the man who in 47 years as head coach at his alma mater amassed over 1,000 wins and a National Championship in 2003. He is a legend. Although thanks to a certain former reality television star turned politician, he is no longer the most famous orange man from New York. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (10-16 AMOV 0.69) -
The University of Pennsylvania’s motto is the Latin phrase "Leges sine Moribus vanae," which translates into English as “Laws without morals are useless.” After dropping to a dismal 2-9 in the Ivy League, the new motto is "Scelerisque dolor sed ultrices at terribilia” which translates to “We’re smart, but we suck at basketball.” - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (14-14 AMOV 1.68)
In a week that started out downright frightful, Penn State’s week ended amazingly delightful. The week began with the announcement on Monday that then-leading scorer Kanye Clary was no longer with the team because of a “coach’s decision”—now ain’t that a kick in the head. The Nittany Lions took that burden back to the cozy confines of Rec Hall on Wednesday, where they stunned #12 Illinois 90-89, rallying back from a double-digit deficit—including a 7-point deficit in the final 36 seconds—with junior forward Zach Hicks sinking all 3 free throws with 3 seconds remaining to secure the win and send the faithful off to their own marshmallow world in the winter. Penn State then returned to the spacious Bryce Jordan Center on Saturday to defeat Indiana 83-74, led by senior Ace Baldwin, Jr.’s 23 points on a night where the full moon outside hit your eye like a big pizza pie. No doubt that even Dean Martin would be proud of this team. "Now that's amore." - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (18-9- AMOV 5.70)
It was a light week for the Friars, but an important one. A coveted "quad 1" win on the road over X (the team formerly known as Twitter, I mean, Xavier). Friars will need to likely go 3-1 down the stretch and need one of those wins to be over Marquette or UConn...no big deal. Right now some have them as "last four in." Others, "first four out." And apparently, there's a "next four out?" How many "outs" do we need? Seems like anything after "first four out" is just...out. As in, "not in." - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (17-10- AMOV 6.30)
The Bonnies of St. Bonaventure went into the den at UMass as 5 point under dogs and came out as victors 75-67 in a must win game in an attempt to finish in the top 4 of the A10. Mika Adams Woods played 35 minutes producing 14 points and 5 assists while Chad Venning popped in 16 points and 10 rebounds. It doesn't get any easier for the Bonnies as they take on Loyola of Chicago in the Reilly Center where even Sister Jean may find the crowd a bit hostile - the Bona faithful take no prisoners when the games get big down the stretch !!! - James Healy
After a 1-1 week, with a loss in Philly to La Salle and a win in Amherst vs UMass, two things were abundantly clear…..any postseason opportunities for this team will be exclusively reliant on the A-10 tourney with the Beastie Boys cranking up “No Sleep Till Brooklyn” . . . And obscure state map drawings adorning an A-10 court, eerily resembling the AFLAC duck swinging a pickaxe, is not aesthetically pleasing to the viewer….. - Kevin Florenz
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (4-25 AMOV -12.17)
Stonehill is in year two of the four year NCAA Division 1 reclassification period. This NCAA rule is in place to make sure teams are committed to the D1 level. At 4-25 The Skyhawks are showing a commitment to…um…ahh…um…apple sauce. . . .In addition to notching their fourth win of the season this week the team also honored six seniors: grad student Max Zegarowski, Pano Pavlidis, Will Rywolt, Jackson Benigni, Shane O’Dell and Thatcher Stone whose name sounds like a paint color. -BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (23-6 AMOV 9.90) - Vermont (23-6): UVM pounded Bryant yesterday. The Catamounts have two remaining regular season games/wins and three remaining wins in the America East tournament before they lose to a one or a two seed on a Thursday night at 9:57 PM or Friday afternoon at 2:45 PM. - Clayton Trutor
Washington State Cougars - Men's NCAA D1 (21-7 - AMOV 8.04)
The most Wazzu thing ever was the Cougs winning at projected 1 seed Arizona as a two-TD dog and then turning around and losing to the Sun Bleeping Devils as a road favorite. Now still projected safely in the NCAAs for the first time since 2008, the entire fanbase eagerly awaits the quick rise of the next global pandemic to wipe the event fully off the schedule.- Shawn O'Neal
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (19-9 AMOV 11.39)
Bentley Men’s hoop faces Franklin Pierce as they continue to streak towards the playoffs with a five game win streak. Franklin Pierce it should be noted was the 14th President of the US, and was a staunch pro slavery advocate whose statue, which stands outside the NH State House, somehow survived the very recent spree of statue toppling that gripped the country. I once questioned someone about this, resulting in the following exchange.
Me: You go to Franklin Pierce? He was pro slavery ya know.
Student replies: I don’t think so. “Pro” slavery…? I’m no history expert, but pro? I’ll double check but I’m pretty sure that none of those guys were getting paid.” - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (22-5 AMOV 11.00)
Bentley defeated the College of Saint Rose to reach the 20 win mark for the 36th time in school history. Sadly for Saint Rose, this will be their final season as the school shuts its doors in June 2024 due to being 48 million dollars in debt; coincidentally also for the 36th time in their school history. Spotted in the crowd for the match were pardoned junk bond dealer, Michael Milken, and well known CEO of Debt Consolidation, Chris Carter. Not sure why, but maybe next year in the Atlantic 10 standings we'll see a new team called the University of 1-800 debt collection. It will be the only team in NCAA history with two numbers next to its record. One reflecting its basketball ranking in the country followed by its junk bond rating. Sorry, just whistling by the graveyard. - Paul Nardizzi
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Women's NCAA D1 (21-6 AMOV 19.19)
Notre Dame's win over Clemson on Thursday came on "senior night". However, the 3 seniors on the team are all juniors in eligibility. So I imagine the emotional pre game festivities were along the lines of ... thanks for everything, see you at practice in a few months? - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (13-11 AMOV 1.75)
The Lady Quakers defeated Cornell 61-54, spurred by a hellacious 17-2 fourth quarter surge. Cornell’s Big Red Bear mascot was so infuriated that he began foaming at the mouth and mauled a referee. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-22 - AMOV -11.19)
St. Bonaventure lost 61-83 against Saint Louis this past Sunday. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to figure out what's a Billiken. Or for that matter, a Bonnie. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - February 20, 2024
1.Purdue Boilermakers - 23-3 - AMOV - 14.50
Beat 4 Loss Samford & 5L AZ, 6L Illinois, Gonzaga, Tenn, Marquette, 7L Ala, Morehead, 8L NW
2. UConn Huskies - 24-2 - AMOV 18.31
Beat 6 Loss UNC, Gonzaga, Marquette, 7L Creighton
3. Grand Canyon Lopes - 24-2 - AMOV 13.04
Beat 6 Loss SD St., San Fran, 7L Tarleton 8L La-Tech
4.Houston Cougars - 23-3 - AMOV 18.54
Beat 4 loss Dayton, 6L Iowa St, 7L Texas Tech, @ BYU
5. Kansas Jayhawks - 20-6 AMOV - 9.04
Beat 2L UConn, 3L Houston 6L Tenn, Baylor, 7L Yale,TCU, UK 8L Okla (twice, once @)
6. McNeese State Cowboys - 23-3 - AMOV 19.54
Beat 8L @VCU, @UAB
7. San Diego State Aztecs - 20-6 AMOV 8.92
Beat 3L Utah State, 5L Nevada & 6L St. Mary's, Irvine @Gonzaga
8. Appalachian State Mountaineers - 22-5 - AMOV 11.85
Beat 3L James Madison (twice, once @), 6L Auburn, 7L UNC-Wilmington
9. Utah State Aggies - 21-5 AMOV 10.58
Beat 6L Colorado St, Akron, SanFran 7L UC-Irvine 8L Boise St (twice, once @)
10. South Carolina Gamecocks - 21-5 -AMOV 6.38
Beat 2L Grand Canyon, 6L Ole Miss, @Tenn, 7L UK & 8L Miss St
11.Samford Bulldogs 23-4 AMOV 13.85
Beat 8L Western Carolina (twice, once @), Greensboro (twice, once @)
12. Iowa State Cyclones - 20-6 AMOV 15.31
Beat 3L Houston, 6L KU, 7L TCU (twice, once @), Texas Tech, 8L VCU
13.James Madison Dukes - 24-3 - AMOV 15.78
Beat 6L Akron
14. New Mexico Lobos - 20-6 - AMOV 12.54
Beat 5L Utah St & 6L SD St., Nevada (twice, once @), 7L UC-Irvine 8L La-Tech
15. Baylor Bears - 19-6- AMOV 12.36
Beat 4L Cornell, 6L Auburn Iowa St, 7L BYU, Texas Tech, Fla,
16. Tennessee Volunteers - 19-6 - AMOV 13.20
Beat 6L Mississippi, Illinois, 7L Ala, Fla, @UK, Tarleton, 8L George Mason
17. St. Mary's Gaels - 21-6 - AMOV 16.52
Beat 6L New Mexico, @Colorado State, @San Fran, @Gonzaga
18. Princeton Tigers - 19-3 AMOV 11.64
Beat 7L Yale
19. Arizona Wildcats 20-5 - AMOV 17.76
Beat 5L @Duke, 7L Ala, @Oregon
20. Cornell Big Red - 19-4 - AMOV 9.30
Beat 3L Princeton, 8L Colgate
21. Duke Blue Devils - 20-5 AMOV 12.68.
Beat 6L Baylor, 8L Clemson, Charlotte, @Pitt
22.Colorado State Rams - 20-6 - AMOV 10.08
Beat 5L Utah St, 6L New Mexico, San Diego State, 7L Creighton 8L Boise St, L-Tech
23. Drake Bulldogs - 22-5 - AMOV 11.04
Beat 5L Indiana St, 6L Nevada, Akron
24. North Carolina Tar Heels - 20-6 - AMOV 11.42
Beat 5L Duke 6L Tenn, 8L Okla @Clemson, @Pitt
25. Auburn Tigers - 20-6 - AMOV 15.15
Beat 5L S. Carolina, 6L Mississippi (twice & @), 7L Alabama
26. South Florida Bulls - 19-5 - AMOV 6.67
Beat 6L FAU, 7L Loyola-Chicago, 8L @ Memphis, Charlotte
27. Dayton Flyers - 21-4 - AMOV 9.72
Beat 7L @SMU
28. Nevada Wolf Pack - 20-6 - AMOV 9.46
Beat 5L Utah State, 6L Colorado St, San Diego St, 7L TCU,
29. Alabama Crimson Tide - 18-7 - AMOV 13.88
Beat 5L S Carolina, Indiana St, 6L Auburn, 7L Morehead, 8L Oregon, Miss St.
30. Gonzaga Bulldogs - 21-6 - AMOV 17.74.
Beat 6L San Fran, 7L @Kentucky, Yale
31. Kentucky Wildcats - 18-7 AMOV 10.80
The ‘Cats went down to Auburn and pulled off the upset on Saturday, beating Auburn, to cap a 2-0 week, where they held both opponents under 64 points. The coaching staff found a working Betamax and watched film on how to defend the Karl Malone – John Stockton Utah Jazz pick and roll after getting torched by Florida, Tennessee and Gonzaga. Post game, Coach Cal highlighted the ability to defend the complicated offensive scheme, and committed to travel to Indianapolis on Sunday to further enhance his defensive chops by earnestly studying the defensive display at the NBA All-Star game. Much to the surprise of the Big Blue Nation, Calipari’s contract apparently contains clauses for SEC Championships and NBA "All Star” bonuses based on quantity of UK players in the game only, as opposed to National Championships. This season’s road should end somewhere before the Glendale city limit signs! - Kevin Florenz, honorary alum
32. Florida Atlantic Owls - 20-6 - AMOV 10.65
Beat 5L Arizona, 7L Loyola -Chicago, Charleston 8L UAB
33. Marquette Golden Eagles - 19-6 - AMOV 9.04
Beat 6L @Illinois, KU, 7L Creighton
34. Indiana State Sycamores - 22-5 - AMOV 12.00
Beat 5L Drake
35. Illinois Fighting Illini - 19-6 AMOV 12.40
The Fighting Illini came roaring back, after dropping out of the AP Top Ten, with two conference wins. They destroyed Michigan 97-68 that was even more lopsided than the score indicated. One of Michigan's players is a 3-star recruit from Minnesota named Will Tschetter, pronounced "Cheddar." While that might sound kinda cool for a TV commentator when he scores ("Give me some Cheddah!!"), he still doesn't have one of the top food names in basketball. Here are my all-time favorites. 5. Spud Webb - NC State, 4. Dwayne Bacon - Florida St, 3. Lynbert "Cheese" Johnson - Wichita St, 2. "Hot Sauce" (aka Phillip Champion) - Streetball phenom, 1. Cornelius "Cornbread" Walker - Kentucky Wesleyan - Mike Hurl
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (9-16 AMOV -3.44)
Well, will you look at that? By beating Georgia Tech on Wednesday night, ND is now riding a two game win streak after previously dropping seven straight. They now just need to win seven out of their last six games to hit .500 on the year. That will be tough to do. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-15 AMOV 0.38) -
Penn falls to Brown 71-64 as Kino Lilly Jr. and AJ Lesburt Jr. combine for 36 points for the visiting Bears. It’s the most devastating attack of juniors on the Penn campus since the jukebox at Smokey Joe’s broke and played nothing but “At The Hop” by Danny and the Juniors for 48 hours straight. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (12-14 AMOV 1.42)
Penn State’s week started poorly, and then got worse. The Nittany Lions lost at home to Michigan St. 82-70, and then went on the road to play Nebraska, where they shot 33% (18-54) from the field and 21.7% (5-23) from 3-point range in a 68-49 loss. Despite the 19 point final spread, for their part Nebraska tried to keep the game close, shooting 44.3% (27-61) from the field and 19% (4-21) from downtown in a game reminiscent of countless 8U Y-leagues. Perhaps the only thing to look forward to in the near future is this year’s “Return to Rec” annual home game on Wednesday, where Penn State returns to the cozy confines of Rec Hall (capacity 6,502) to play #14 Illinois. Wear white, if you care. - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (17-9- AMOV 5.77)
For the first time in a while, Providence College put together two wins in a row, keeping NCAA tournament hopes alive beating St. John's and DePaul. The Carter & Oduro road show combined for 58 points against Big East punching bag DePaul (also known as "Of the Paul"). Some other players may have scored baskets, I'm not sure. It didn't feel that way. The Friars did not give much to complain about this week. But I am still going to complain. Hakeem Olajuwan had narrowed his college choices to Houston and Providence, but when he got in the taxi at the airport, the driver told him that the weather in Houston would be a lot more of what he was used to. And so Houston got Phi Slamma Jamma. Seriously? Cabbie, stay in your lane pal (pun intended). - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (16-9- AMOV 7.00)
The Bonnies pulled out a one point overtime victory over Davidson 81-80 in front of a packed house on a frigid alumni weekend!! At the end of overtime there was more drama than a bus full of strippers on their way to the Vatican. Bonnies clinging to a 3 point lead allowed Davidson to rebound their own 3 point shot attempt and take a desperate 3 pointer that went in at the buzzer only to await the decision if the shooter was behind the line or not. The television announcers were screaming it was a 3 pt shot and looking at a foul leading to a 4 point shot and a victory - but in the end there was no foul and it was decided it was a 2 point shot and a Bona victory!!!! Up next the Bonnies travel to Philadelphia to take on the La Salle Explorers!! - James Healy
The Bonnies capped off a two win week by edging Davidson 81-80 on Saturday. In the spirit of Lent, the Refs gaveth the three, then tooketh the three away after Connor Kochera’s OT three point buzzer attempt was correctly deemed a two on review. The CBS announcing crew, apparently in a replay blackout cave far far away, suggested there was no clear evidence that would overturn the three call on the court, while musing about a fictitious foul call that was NEVER made…..let’s add non on-site virtual broadcasts from a far to the liability side of the COVID ledger. Nonetheless, a happy Bona student crowd hummed “Burgers and Fries and Cherry Pies” on the march to Hickey….in honor of Charley Pride…as the Bonnies were led by, Charles Pride’s, no relation, 15 points, matched by Chad Venning and Assa Essamvous. - Kevin Florenz
St. John's Red Storm - Men's NCAA D1 (14-12 - AMOV 5.27)
Well, it was another tough week for Rick Pitino and the St. John’s Red Storm. They lost back-to-back road games at Marquette and at Providence. They are now 2-7 in their last 9 and find themselves on the wrong side of the NCAA bubble. With all that in mind, there’s still the NIT to shoot for. And remember , you can’t spell PITINO ; without an N, an I and a T. - Brendan Angelini
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (3-25 AMOV -12.93) -
3-25 Stonehill Skyhawks have a week between games till they host St. Francis ( PA) University in a rematch of NEC teams. Stonehill lost 72-63 earlier this month at St. Francis where they have an actual 9 hole golf course on campus. If I had a golf course on campus I would have finished with a GPA about as bad as this year’s men’s team's rankings. -BMC Class of '88
Syracuse Orange - Men's NCAA D1 (16-10 - AMOV 1.12)
There was a storm in Syracuse last week and it wasn’t the snow: fans on the court baby! UNC goes down. A miracle in the Dome! Syracuse about to run the ta…. Wait, what? They only scored 60 against Georgia Tech and lost? . . . Ah well, I was happy for a few days anyway. - John Berardi
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (21-6 AMOV 9.48)
The Catamounts improved to 21-6 with a road win over Maine. Maine's lack of competitiveness in recent years has led America East officials to consider trading the entire state of Maine to Canada for Prince Edward Island and an Atlantic Province to be named later. - Clayton Trutor
Washington State Cougars - Men's NCAA D1 (20-6 - AMOV 9.00)
In the midst of one of the best runs in program history, Wazzu will likely enter the polls as it heads to the desert where optimists hope for a split with the Arizona schools, pessimists expect a seed-degrading sweep and realists expect two losses and some kind of inexplicable event that will end all this crazy excitement we’ve all been forced to endure over the past month. - Shawn O'Neal
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (18-8 AMOV 10.73)
Bentley Men's hoop faced St. Michaels on Valentine's Day. I think in honor of the holiday, the players should have attempted to kiss every shot off the glass, squeeze their opponents on defense, hug the baseline and of course, bang the boards. Bang the boards is a basketball expression, so if you went there, sorry, that's on you. Get some help. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (20-4 AMOV 11.75)
In last week's CBT Domination Rankings post, I may have jinxed the women's team at Bentley University. I praised them up and down for their winning ways, and they subsequently got hammered by Assumption, and lost to SNHU as well. There's the SI cover jinx, and now the Domination Rankings jinx. In the game against Assumption, the Falcons shot 2 of 16 from the three point mark. That's only two more threes than you and I had, and we didn't even play. I'm going to try to undo the jinx by saying this two game losing streak is an amazing feat of consistency, backed by a dizzying display of turnover laden basketball and a sizzling 12 % hit mark on threes. Hopefully they can keep up their losing ways - Paul Nardizzi
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (12-11 AMOV 1.52)
Penn lost a heartbreaker to Brown in Providence, 61-59, as the Bears' Kyla Jones had a night to remember. First, she tallied her 1,000th career point. With 16 seconds left, she scored to break a 57-57 tie, then broke a 59-59 tie with a hoop to win the game. After the game, Jones won $1 million on a scratch card, took a blue ribbon in a local muffin baking contest and rescued several cute dogs from a burning building. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-21 - AMOV -11.48)
The Bonnies lost against Fordham this past Sunday only shooting 20% from the field. Ouch
The last time I saw that number was on a high school Algebra test. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - February 13, 2024
1.Purdue Boilermakers - 22-2 - AMOV - 15.54
Beat 3 Loss Samford & 5L Morehead, Marquette, AZ, 6L Illinois, Gonzaga, Tenn 7L @ Wisc, NW, Ala
2. UConn Huskies - 22-2 - AMOV 17.17
Beat 5 Loss UNC, 6L Gonzaga, 7L Creighton, 8L Texas & Butler (twice, once @)
3.Houston Cougars - 21-3 - AMOV 18.87
Beat 4 loss Dayton, 6L Texas Tech, @ BYU, 8L @Texas, @Cincy, Texas A&M
4. South Carolina Gamecocks - 21-3 -AMOV 8.62
Beat 2L Grand Canyon, 5L Ole Miss, 6L @Tenn, 7L UK & 8L Miss St
5. Grand Canyon Lopes - 22-2 - AMOV 13.50
Beat 6 Loss SD St., San Fran, 7L Tarleton 8L L-Tech
6.Samford Bulldogs 22-3 AMOV 14.08
Beat 7L @ Western Carolina, 8L Chattanooga (twice, once @), Greensboro (twice, once @)
7. Indiana State Sycamores - 22-3 - AMOV 13.68
Beat 5L Drake, 8L Bradley (twice, once @)
8. Utah State Aggies - 20-4 AMOV 11.96
Beat 5L Colorado St, 6L Akron, SanFran 7L Irvine 8L Boise St (twice, once @)
9.Kansas Jayhawks - 19-6 AMOV - 9.00
Beat 2L UConn, 3L Houston 4L Tenn 5L 6L Cincy, Yale, Okla, TCU, UK
10 McNeese State Cowboys - 21-3 - AMOV 18.33
Beat 8L @VCU, @UAB
11. Iowa State Cyclones - 18-5 AMOV 16.91
Beat 3L Houston, 5L KU, 6L @TCU
12. North Carolina Tar Heels - 19-5 - AMOV 12.04
Beat 5L Duke 6L Tenn, Okla 7L @Clemson, 8L Wake Forest, @Pitt
13. Dayton Flyers - 19-4 - AMOV 9.52
Beat 7L @SMU, 8L UMass, Cincy, Youngstown, Troy, @VCU
14. Appalachian State Mountaineers - 20-5 - AMOV 12.83
Beat 3L James Madison (twice, once @), 5L Auburn, 6L Wilmington
15. Arizona Wildcats 19-5 - AMOV 16.62 -
Beat 5L @Duke, 7L Ala, 8L Colo (twice, once @), @Oregon, Wisc
16.James Madison Dukes - 22-3 - AMOV 15.96
Beat 6L Akron
17. Princeton Tigers - 17-3 AMOV 11.80
Beat 8L Harvard, Columbia
18 Cornell Big Red - 17-4 - AMOV 9.14
Beat 3L Princeton, 8L Colgate, Columbia, @Harvard
19. New Mexico Lobos - 19-5 - AMOV 14.00
Beat 3L Utah St & 5L SD St., Nevada, 6L Irvine, L Tech
20. Baylor Bears - 17-6- AMOV 12.13
Beat 4L Cornell, 5L Auburn Iowa St, 6L BYU, Texas Tech, 7L Fla, 8L Cincy
21. Tennessee Volunteers - 17-6 - AMOV 11.57
Beat 5L Mississippi 6L Illinois, 7L Ala, Fla, @UK, Tarleton, 8L @Wisc, George Mason
22. Auburn Tigers - 19-5 - AMOV 15.21
Beat 5L Mississippi (twice & @), 7L Alabama, 8L Chattanooga, Texas A&M
23. Drake Bulldogs - 20-5 - AMOV 10.88
Beat 3L Indiana St, 5L Nevada, 6L Akron, 8L @Bradley
24. Nevada Wolf Pack - 19-5 - AMOV 10.17
Beat 4L Utah State, 5L Colorado St, 6L San Diego St, 7L TCU,
25.Colorado State Rams - 19-5 - AMOV 10.75
Beat 5L New Mexico, 6L San Diego State, 7L Creighton 8L Colorado, Boise St, L-Tech
26. Florida Atlantic Owls - 19-5 - AMOV 11.21
Beat 5L Arizona, 7L Loyola -Chicago, Charleston 8L Butler, Texas A&M, UAB
27. Duke Blue Devils - 19-5 AMOV 12.83
Beat 6L Baylor, 7L Clemson, 8L Wake Forest, Charlotte, @Pitt
28. San Diego State Aztecs - 18-6 AMOV 8.54
Beat 3L Utah State, 5L Nevada & 6L St. Mary's, Irvine @Gonzaga
29. Marquette Golden Eagles - 18-5 - AMOV 10.78
Beat 6L @Illinois, KU, 7L Creighton, 8L Texas
30. Virginia Cavaliers 19-5 - AMOV 10.17
Beat 7L @Clemson, Tarleton, Florida, 8L Texas A&
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets - Men's NCAA D1 (10-14 AMOV -4.50)
Georgia Tech's Men's basketball team suffered an embarrassing 80-51 blowout at home against Wake Forest. The paltry 20 first half points were not only a season low for the Rambling Wreck, but also one point short of the average ACT on an incoming freshman at the University of Georgia . . .Perhaps the similarity in WF's and GT's uniforms tricked the scoreboard operator into switching the scores. There are a lot less plausible conspiracy theories than that these days. - Chris Pelc
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (17-6 AMOV 12.00)
For the third time this year, the Illini were ranked in the AP top ten, only to lose their next game to an unranked opponent. They aren't the only ones with this problem. A stat appeared during the Michigan St. game that said the winning percentage of top-ten teams on the road versus unranked opponents was .428 this season compared to .728 the past five seasons. More evidence that this is a weird year--you need a slide rule to calculate the combined age of our presidential candidates, and the largest demographic of Super Bowl viewers were 12-year-old girls. - Mike Hurley
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (8-16 AMOV -3.71)
During their 71-53 loss to Duke on Wednesday, Notre Dame missed 12 straight shots early in the first half and went five and a half minutes without a bucket mid way through the second half. In an unrelated stat, the Irish now have the 346th ranked scoring offense in D1 hoops (out of 351 teams). Actually, no; those two things are very much related. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-13 AMOV 1.36) -
Penn fought bravely against Ivy powerhouse Princeton but ultimately fell 77-70. The Tigers were led by sophomore guard Xaivian Lee, who led all scorers with 22 — which coincidentally is the number of different ways his first name has been misspelled by Starbucks baristas. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (12-12 AMOV 2.67)
Penn State split its 2 games this week, defeating Iowa at home 89-79 and losing at Northwestern 68-63. The loss to Northwestern dropped the Nittany Lions to a ho hum 12-12 on the season. And former PSU defensive back Ji’Ayir Brown intercepted Patrick Mahomes in the third quarter of Super Bowl LVIII! WE ARE!!! - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (15-9- AMOV 5.67)
Providence and #19 Creighton delivered one of the better games you'll see all year...except you probably didn't see it...because it was on Fox Sports 2 which requires a special subscription, not Fox Sports 1. What was on FS1 you ask? Two unranked women's teams. Priorities. PC breathed life into their NCAA tournament hopes with a big OT win, and then quickly turned around and exhaled just about all of that life with a follow up loss to Butler. Star player Josh Oduro missed the game for the birth of his child. I mean, come on Josh, it's a kid. You can always have another one. Again, priorities. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (14-9- AMOV 6.78)
On Super Bowl weekend, the St. Bonaventure Bonnies played anything but super dropping a 75 - 69 loss to the Duquesne Dukes. The Dukesbrought a 3-6 A10 record into a packed Reilly Center in Olean and completely silenced the crowd all day long. The loss was a devastating blow to the Bonnies chances to obtain a top four A10 finish. Those chances look blown up like confetti in the French Quarter this week. Though instead of in a joyous, picturesque, and bustling New Orleans, in a somber, slushy and desolate Olean. - James Healy
The Bonnies 1st half on Saturday resembled far too many undergrad nights at the Burton….a late arrival hoping for some late game magic. Not surprisingly, the inevitable long lonely walk back to the townhouses was once again the only ticket to be punched. . . .Future home games may include a pre-game scrimmage…..or at a minimum, consideration of free adult beverages to create a little more fan excitement for the early afternoon tip. - Kevin Florenz
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (3-23 AMOV -13.50) -
After a nice win against Wagner, Stonehill fell this week to Le Moyne College. Le Moyne was founded in 1946 by the Society of Jesus. I don’t remember anything in my Stonehill Religious Studies course work where Jesus preached beating the pants off another basketball team by 31 points 88-57, but that is what the Le Moyne Dolphins did. -BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (19-6 AMOV 9.16)
Vermont got past UMBC yesterday on the strength of good ball management, offensive rebounding, and a sweet van that my cousin Reggie leased a while back but hasn't made no payments on yet and don't plan to. - Clayton Trutor
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (16-8 AMOV 10.67)
Bentley senior Zach Laput has been named to the Trevor Hudgins watch list. Most of these awards are named after players long deceased, however, Hudgins just wrapped up his playing career two years ago! I think instead of a trophy resembling the player the award is named after , in this case the winner of the award should just be presented with, ….well, the actual Trevor Hudgins, until he passes away. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (19-4 AMOV 11.43)
Writing jokes about losing teams is far more easy than writing about a winning team. (Ask, for example, the writer of jokes for Stonehill Men’s hoop.) Bentley women’s hoop is doing me no favors this season. The accounting school powerhouse hasn’t lost a game since December. (That loss was probably a Xmas gift to a school named Holy Name- let’s face it, if they played Scrooge Univ. or Atheist College on December 18th, you really think they’d a lost?). And they have won every game since that loss by nine or more points. If we add up Bentley's point total and put it in a column next to their opponents point total, in accounting parlance, it looks like we’re cooking the books. - Paul Nardizzi
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Women's NCAA D1 (18-5 - AMOV 20.65)
No. 15 Louisville took down No. 12 Notre Dame despite Hannah Hidalgo scoring 30 points for the Irish. Louisville wore special uniforms that night representing their home city and inspired by "bourbon barrels and baseball bats". Bourbon and bats? Bars and axe throwing? Maybe let's stop with the booze and weapons mash ups in the name of entertainment. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (11-10 AMOV 1.10)
Penn drops a game to Princeton 67-54 in a game that the Tigers led comfortably wire-to-wire. The loss was doubly heartbreaking for Penn fans who had to stop chanting “Princeton was my safety school” early in the first quarter. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-19 - AMOV -10.83)
The St. Bonaventure women lost 40-54 against VCU last Saturday. Apparently, the Richmond Rhythm, a former IBL team, shared the Siegel Center from 1999-2001 with VCU. There may be evidence that the Bonnies could have used some of that rhythm: they shot 5-28 from beyond the arc. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - February 6, 2024
1.Purdue Boilermakers - 21-2 - AMOV - 15.35
Beat 3 Loss Samford & 5L Tenn, Morehead, Marquette, AZ, Illinois, 6L Ala, Gonzaga, @ Wisc 7L NW
2. UConn Huskies - 20-2 - AMOV 17.18
Beat 4 Loss UNC, 6L Gonzaga, Creighton 7L Texas & @Butler
3.Houston Cougars - 19-3 - AMOV 19.64
Beat 3 loss Dayton, 5L Texas Tech, @ BYU, 7L @Texas, Utah
4. Grand Canyon Lopes - 21-2 - AMOV 12.83
Beat 5 Loss SD St., 6L SanFran & L Tech, 7L Tarleton
5. Utah State Aggies - 19-3 AMOV 12.82
beat 5L Akron, Colorado St, 6L Irvine, SanFran & @Boise St
6. Tennessee Volunteers - 16-5 - AMOV 12.48
Beat 4L Mississippi 5L Illinois, 6L Ala, @UK, @Wisc 7L George Mason, NC State, Tarleton, FLA
7.Kansas Jayhawks - 18-5- AMOV - 10.91
Beat 2L UConn, 3L Houston 4L Tenn 5L 6L Cincy, Yale, Okla, TCU, UK
8. South Carolina Gamecocks - 19-3 -AMOV 8.59
Beat 2L Grand Canyon, 5L @Tenn, 6L UK & 7L GW
9. North Carolina Tar Heels - 18-4 - AMOV 13.18
Beat 5L Tenn, 5L Duke 6L Okla 7L WF, @Clemson, @NC State
10. Appalachian State Mountaineers - 19-4 - AMOV 12.83
Beat 3L James Madison (twice, once @), 4L Auburn, 6L Wilmington
11. New Mexico Lobos - 18-4 - AMOV 16.50
Beat 3L Utah St & 5L SD St., Nevada, 6L Irvine, L Tech
12. Dayton Flyers - 18-3 - AMOV 9.81
Beat 7L Cincy, Youngstown, @SMU, UMass, GW
13. Indiana State Sycamores - 20-3 - AMOV 13.04
Beat 5L Drake 6L Bradley (twice, once @)
14. Baylor Bears - 16-5 - AMOV 13.41
Beat 3L Cornell, 4L Auburn, 5L BYU, Iowa St, 7L Fla, Cincy
15. Arizona Wildcats 17-5 - AMOV 16.95
Beat 5L @Duke, 6L Wisc, Ala, 7L Colo, Utah, @Oregon
16. San Diego State Aztecs - 17-5 AMOV 8.91
Beat 3L Utah State, 5L Nevada & 6L St. Mary's, Irvine @Gonzaga
17.Samford Bulldogs 20-3 AMOV 13.22
Beat 6L Greensboro, 7L Western Carolina
18. Auburn Tigers - 18-4 - AMOV 16.50
Beat 4L Mississippi (twice & @)
19. Florida Atlantic Owls - 18-4 - AMOV 11.77
Beat 5L Arizona, 7L Loyola -Chicago. Butler, Charleston
20 Cornell Big Red - 17-3 - AMOV 9.70
Beat 3L Princeton
21.Colorado State Rams - 17-5 - AMOV 10.27
Beat 4L New Mexico, 5L San Diego State, 6L La Tech, Creighton 7L Colorado
22 Iowa State Cyclones - 16-5 AMOV 17.71
Beat 3L Houston, 5L KU, 6L @TCU
23. McNeese State Cowboys - 19-3 - AMOV 17.36 -966.86
24. Marquette Golden Eagles - 17-5 - AMOV 10.77
Beat 5L @Illinois, Ku, 6L Creighton, 7L Texas
25.James Madison Dukes - 20-3 - AMOV 16.57 - 966.57
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (7-15 AMOV -3.59) - Pittsburgh beat Notre Dame 70-60 on Saturday as the Irish losing streak hit six games. The Panthers' center, Federiko Federiko, grabbed nine rebounds. That is his actual name and not a typo and the term for that is reduplication. Kind of like when I say that this ND hoops season has been miserable miserable. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-12 AMOV 1.76) - In the last three games, the Quakers have lost to the Columbia Lions, the Brown Bears and the Yale Bulldogs (led by guard Danny Wolf). And next up, the mighty Princeton Tigers. The Penn squad is now in such fear of four-legged animals that they cross the street when they see a stray cat. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (11-11 AMOV 2.68) - Penn State arguably had its best week of the season thus far, securing road wins first at Rutgers 61-46 and then at Indiana 85-71. Rutgers notably plays its on-campus games at Jersey Mike’s Arena, where first year head coach Mike Rhoades ordered up a #13 Original Italian “his way” in route to Penn State’s first win away from home this year. “Jersey Mike” Rhoades’s squad followed that up with a #55 Big Kahuna Chicken Cheese Steak—California Style, of course—in garnering their first win in Assembly Hall since 2014. Following the Indiana victory, “Jersey Mike” Rhoades commented, “Well, I guess they can’t call me ‘Homer’ anymore”- Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (12-6- AMOV 8.33) - PC showed some signs that they may have figured out life without Bryce Hopkins this week by giving the Huskies* a rock fight at UConn that was in their grasp despite putting up Andre Drummon-esque numbers from the free throw line. They summarily followed this encouraging effort by losing to Villanova by 18. Neat. They can't just lose, they have to give you hope first, and then collapse...kind of like the Bills or the Detroit Lions. It's a remarkable talent.
*The UConn mascot is an actual Husky. His name is "Jonathan." The Washington Huskies mascot is also a dog, but it is not a husky. It is an Alaskan Malamute (Dubs II...the name is kinda clever). Even more egregious, there have been several non-husky mascots at Washington over the years! As a proud Malamute owner, I am offended by the doggy-cultural misappropriation so flagrantly on display by this institution. This is the worst case of cultural fraud since Cosmo Kramer tried to sell Earl Hackler a group of Dominican cigar rollers claiming that they were bona fide Cubans. This is what happens when the Friars lose so badly, I redirect my anger. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (13-8- AMOV 7.43) - The St. Bonaventure Bonnies dropped a hard fought game to the 21st ranked Dayton Flyers in Dayton OH 76 - 71. St. Bonaventure did a great job defending the ever dangerous 3pt shooting of the Flyers but opened themselves up to down low scoring from Dayton star Daron Holmes who poured in 34 points. Next up for the Bonnies will be the UMass Minuteman in the friendly confines of the Reilly Center. And by friendly I mean unfriendly. - James Healy
St. John's Red Storm - Men's NCAA D1 - (13-9 - AMOV 5.86) - Well, it was a tough week for Rick Pitino and the St John's Red Storm. First, they went on the road and lost at Xavier, then they lost to #1 UConn in front of a sold-out Madison Square Garden. After the game, while discussing the state of college hoops, Rick said the NCAA enforcement arm "is of no value anymore" and added that "we need to stop all the hypocrisy of NIL..." Wait a minute, is Rick Pitino suggesting there is hypocrisy in college sports??? Well, I hope he has some evidence to back up this most serious accusation! - Brendan Angelini
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (3-21 AMOV -12.96) - Logged on to www.Stonehill.edu Saturday only to be surprised that Stonehill was playing right then only to be surprised to see they were winning only to be surprised to see them win only to be surprised by their play by play announcers lime green dress shirt in the post game interview.
Stonehill beats Wagner in the battle of the Hawks. Stonehill Skyhawks 71. Wagner Seahawks 61. -BMC Class of '88
Syracuse Orange - Men's NCAA D1 (14-8 AMOV 1.55) - Before March Madness there is February Sadness. Syracuse lost an ugly game to Boston College. A lackluster performance where they couldn’t score 1 point before BC scored 21. Then a solid loss to Wake Forest. Syracuse was perhaps on their way into the most famous bubble in sports. Now you can probably stick a pin in it. POP! - John Berardi
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (18-5 AMOV 9.96) - UVM hosted Binghamton. I watched the game from the University Mall's Applebee's, which recently lifted its five-year ban on my presence after I plugged up both bowls during a winter 2019 visit. - Clayton Trutor
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (14-8 AMOV 10.82) - Bentley lost to Saint Anselm, a school named after Saint Anselm who famously said, "For I do not seek to understand so that I may believe, but I believe so that I may understand. " I've read the quote several times and I believe that I do not understand. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (19-2 AMOV 13.48)- The Bentley women's team beat American International in Morgan's Message Game, a foundation that focuses on mental health. It is a great organization. Back when I played for Bentley the only message I got from "Morgan" was a written warning that over consumption of this product will impair your ability to drive a motor vehicle. - Paul Nardizzi
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (11-9 AMOV 1.80) - In a crushing loss, Penn fell to lowly 5-15 Yale in overtime, 74-68. Coach Mike McLaughlin lamented, "Sometimes the ball gets stuck with the group we have at times.” To avoid the ball getting “stuck” in the future, McLaughlin immediately banned cotton candy from the locker room. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-17 - AMOV -10.19) - The St. Bonaventure women lost against Davidson 65-57 on the 31st. With 1:27 left in the 1st quarter, Nadechka Laccen received a technical. I didn't know saying Steph Curry was an overrated PG was worth a technical. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - January 30, 2024
1.Purdue Boilermakers - 19-2 - AMOV - 16.10
Beat 3 Loss Samford & 4L Tenn, 5L Gonzaga, Morehead, Marquette, AZ, Illinois, 6L Ala
2.Houston Cougars - 19-2 - AMOV 21.19
Beat 3 loss Dayton, Texas Tech, 5L BYU, 6L K State
3. Utah State Aggies - 18-2 AMOV 13.75
beat 5L Akron, Colorado St, 6L Irvine, SanFran & Boise St
4. UConn Huskies - 18-2 - AMOV 17.80
Beat 3L UNC, 5L Gonzaga, Creighton
5. New Mexico Lobos - 18-3 - AMOV 15.67
Beat 2L Utah St & 4L SD St. 5L Nevada, Irvine, 6L L Tech
6. Tennessee Volunteers - 15-4 - AMOV 13.42
Beat 3L Ole Miss, 4L Wisc, 5L Illinois, George Mason, 6L Georgia, FLA, Alabama, SU
7. Grand Canyon Lopes - 19-2 - AMOV 12.81
Beat 4 Loss SD St., 6L SanFran & L Tech
8. North Carolina Tar Heels - 17-3 - AMOV 14.10
Beat 4L Tenn, 5L Okla, 6L SU, Wake, Clemson
9.Kansas Jayhawks - 16-4- AMOV - 10.70
Beat 2L UConn, 4L UK, Tenn 5L TCU, Okla 6L Cincy,Yale
10. South Carolina Gamecocks - 17-3 -AMOV 8.75
Beat 2L Grand Canyon, 4L UK, 6L GW & Miss. St
11 Iowa State Cyclones - 16-4 AMOV 18.70
Beat 2L Houston, 4L KU, 5L TCU, 6L KState
12. Appalachian State Mountaineers - 17-4 - AMOV 13.52
Beat 3L James Madison (twice) and 4L Auburn
13.McNeese State Cowboys - 18-2 - AMOV 17.95
14. Texas Tech Red Raiders 16-3 AMOV 10.00
Beat 5L BYU & Okla, 6L K State
15.Kentucky Wildcats - 15-4 - AMOV - 12.26
Beat 3L UNC, 6L Miami, FLA, Miss St, Georgia
16.Princeton Tigers - 15-2 AMOV 13.24 - 980.74
17.Samford Bulldogs 18-3 AMOV 13.33
Beat 5L W Carolina & 6L Greensboro
18 Indiana State Sycamores - 18-3 - AMOV 13.62
Beat 6L Bradley (twice)
19. Drake Bulldogs - 17-4 - AMOV 12.29
Beat 3L Indiana St. & 5L Akron & Nevada
20 Cornell Big Red - 15-3 - AMOV 9.89
Beat 2L Princeton
21 Wisconsin Badgers - 16-4 - AMOV 9.10
Beat 5L UVA, Marquette, NW, 6L Nebraska
22. Baylor Bears - 14-5 AMOV - 14.00
Beat 3L Cornell, 4L Auburn, 5L BYU, 6L FLA, Cincy
23. San Diego State Aztecs - 16-4 AMOV 9.50
Beat 5L Gonzaga, Nevada & 6l St. Mary's, Irvine
24. Dayton Flyers - 16-3 - AMOV 9.42
Beat 6L Cincy & Youngstown
25 Mississippi Rebels - 17-3 - AMOV 6.35
Beat 5L Memphis, 6L FLA
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (15-5 AMOV 13.45) The Fighting Illini suffered a loss to Northwestern, whom they had beaten by 30 points earlier in the season. And two weeks ago, U of I lost to Maryland. Those losses both came right after Illinois achieved a top ten ranking in the AP. But that's how it's been for top ten teams all season long. Each week it seems, top ten teams are losing to unranked opponents. I haven't seen favorites lose so badly to undermatched teams since Clinton lost to Trump in 2016. While the reason for Illini's losses can be chalked up to poor shooting and bad defense, Hillary's loss was simply due to the fact that people really can't stand her. - Mike Hurley
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (7-11 AMOV -2.33) - ND Coach Micah Strawberry continues to search for ways to turn things around. Last Wednesday night against Miami, he benched his two primary big men for the entire second half and effectively went with a five guard lineup. Five guards ... bold! But I have questions. Did it work? Uh, No - lost the game (and the second half). OK, but did it spark the team to victory in their next game? Uh, still No - lost again on Saturday to Boston College. Thank you, nothing further. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-10 AMOV 3.26) - Penn falls to Columbia 84-81 in a squeaker. The Quakers had trouble containing Geronimo Rubio De La Rosa (5 for 9 in 3-pointers), who not only was instrumental in defeating Penn, but also somehow managed to outscore the number of letters in his name, 24-21. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (9-11 AMOV 1.50) - Penn State lost at home to Minnesota 83-74 in its only game of the week, frittering away a 45-31 halftime lead before the largest crowd of the season. The game was Penn State’s annual THON game, where the student section and in-game activities help to raise awareness for Penn State’s annual dance marathon towards the fight against childhood cancer—the largest student-run philanthropy in the world, having raised over $219 million since it began. THON efforts culminate with a 46-hour, no-sitting, no-sleeping dance marathon each February. This particular writer took part in said dance marathon as a senior in 1986–where after standing, dancing, and continuously swaying for 40 hours developed what can best be described by the medical term “dancing mania”, with the uncontrollable feeling of having to keep dancing (in my case to avoid dizziness and the gym swaying if I stood still). After then surviving the final 6 hours, I collapsed in a heap shortly thereafter—sort of like the Nittany Lions did in the second half.- Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (12-6- AMOV 8.33) - PC got back on the horse with two conference wins, one by raiding the Seton Hall Pirates, and the other by beating the Georgetown Ed Cooleys, which at this point was the only game that mattered anymore. Twitter videos showed PC students partying at 8 AM to prep for the 12:30 game, prompting the Big East to warn fans ahead of time to "not throw anything on the court" or risk forfeit. Now THAT'S the school I remember attending! Devin Carter hit a three pointer from basically Massachusetts right in front of Cooley, and did a Dominique windmill slam to end the game. It was fun. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (11-6- AMOV 8.29) - The St Bonaventure Bonnies (12-7) continued their Jeckyl and Hyde routine in front of a national tv ESPN2 crowd against A 10 rival St Joe's. The same team that could only score 15 points in the first half just last week scored a decisive 91-72 win over St Joe's in a very energetic Reilly Center. Leading the way were Darry Banks (29) , Moses Flowers (23) and Chad Venning (21). Next up for the Bonnies will be VCU Tuesday night and all will be waiting to see will it be Superman who takes the court ? Or will it be Clark Kent & Jimmy Olsen? - James Healy
St. John's Red Storm - Men's NCAA D1 - (13-7 - AMOV 7.65) - After a difficult 1 point home loss to Marquette, Rick Pitino and the St. John’s RedStorm blew out Villanova by 20 at Madison Square Garden, completing their first series sweep since 1993, and holding Villanova to a season low 50 points. You know, I can’t put my finger on it , but something is just not Wright with the Wildcats these days. - Brendan Angelini
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (2-20 AMOV -14.36) - With Stonehill losing a heartbreaking buzzer beater 63-60 against LIU, the Skyhawks fall to an overall 2-20 record. That equates to a .091 winning percentage. .091 also equates to my Statistics grade sophomore year. -BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (16-5 AMOV 9.24) - We in Vermont were in for a big storm this weekend. I got prepared. Headed down to Dollar General and bought some hamburger helper, a carton of Winstons, and three Harlequin romance novels. - Clayton Trutor
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (13-7 AMOV 11.40) - Zach Laput has been named to the Bevo Francis watch list which comprises 100 of the top players in the country in all different divisions. I had to Google who Bevo Francis was and according to Wikipedia, he's the guy that they named the Bevo Francis award after. This is why I donate to Wikipedia. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (16-2 AMOV 13.00)- I did a deep dive on Bentley University women's basketball coach C White. I was interested in what C was short for and apparently it's not short for anything. Her name is C. A single letter first name. Often, I'm sure, confused with the word see. And sea. And cee. And si. See? - Paul Nardizzi
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Women's NCAA D1 (15-4 AMOV 21.89) - ND thumped the mighty UCONN women on their home floor, 82-67, ending the Huskies' 13 game winning streak on Saturday. It was a matchup that also featured two emerging young guards who both go by the first name "KK" (Arnold for UCONN and Bransford for ND). While I know there is a Kardashian joke in there somewhere, it is not coming to me and I am at deadline. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (10-8 AMOV 1.17) - According to the Penn Athletics website, the Quakers were “outpaced” by Columbia by a score of 85-55. Outpaced. It reminds me of the 1984 presidential election when Ronald Reagan “outpaced” Walter Mondale in electoral votes, 525-13. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-16 - AMOV -10.30) - It was crazy seeing a Dani Haskell half court buzzer-beater to end the first quarter against Saint Joseph's.
It's even crazier learning that the Hawk mascot gets full scholarship. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - January 23, 2024
1.Houston Cougars - 16-2 - AMOV 22.89 - beat 2 loss Dayton & 3L Texas Tech
2.Purdue Boilermakers - 17-2 - AMOV - 15.68 -beat 2L Samford & 4L AZ, Tenn & Illinois
3.Princeton Tigers - 15-1 AMOV 15.00
4. Utah State Aggies - 17-2 AMOV 14.16 - beat 3L Colorado St. & 4L Akron and SFran
5. Auburn Tigers - 16-2 AMOV 18.44 - beat 3L Ole Miss
6. UConn Huskies - 17-2 - AMOV 16.47 - Beat 3L UNC
7.Kansas Jayhawks - 16-3- AMOV 11.47 - beat 2L UConn, 3L UK & Okl & 4L Tenn
8. Grand Canyon Lopes - 17-2 - AMOV 13.74 - beat 4 Loss SD St.
9. James Madison Dukes - 17-2- AMOV 16.74 -985.24
10.McNeese State Cowboys - 16-2 - AMOV 16.56 - 984.56
11.Samford Bulldogs 17-2 AMOV 15.11 -983.61
12. Drake Bulldogs - 16-3 - AMOV 13.00 Beat 3L Indiana St. & 4L Akron & Nevada
13. Dayton Flyers - 15-2 - AMOV 10.12 - 977.62
14. New Mexico Lobos - 16-3 - AMOV 14.47 - Beat 2L Utah St & 4L SD St. - 977.47
15. North Carolina Tar Heels - 16-3 - AMOV 14.47 - Beat 3L Oklahoma & 4L Tenn - 974.97
16. S.Carolina Gamecocks - 15-3 -AMOV 8.33 - beat 2L Grand Canyon, 4L GW
17.Kentucky Wildcats - 14-3 - AMOV - 14.35 - Beat 3L UNC
18. Texas Tech Red Raiders 15-3 AMOV 10.50 - Beat 4L BYU & KState
19.Colorado State Rams - 15-3 - AMOV 12.33 - beat 3L NM - 967.33
20. Oklahoma Sooners - 15-3 - AMOV 14.22 - Beat 4L Iowa St.
21. Indiana State Sycamore - 16-3 - AMOV 14.26 - 962.26
22. Baylor Bears - 14-3 AMOV - 15.94 - Beat 2L Auburn, 4L Cornell & BYU
23. App State Mountaineers - 15-4 - AMOV 14.11 Beat 2L Auburn & James Madison
24.Mississippi Rebels - 15-3 - AMOV 5.44 - beat 4 loss Memphis -957.44
25. Tennessee Vols - 14-4 - AMOV 13.44 - Beat 3L Ole Miss & 4L Wisc & Illinois
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets- Men's NCAA D1 (9-9 AMOV -1.67) Georgia Tech chocked at home once again. They are now thinking of changing their home uniforms to navy, silver and white with big stars. - Chris Pelc
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (14-4 AMOV 14.78) This week, Illinois vaulted back into the top ten in the AP rankings after Big 10 wins against Michigan and Rutgers. The Fighting Illini did so by continuing to dominate on the boards and playing suffocating defense. They held those two teams to a combined 22% on 3-point shooting, which is coincidentally the same percentage as Buffalo Bills kickers' field goal percentage in postseason games. - Mike Hurley
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (7-11 AMOV -2.33) - This past week Boston College came back late to beat Notre Dame, 63-59. But let's not focus on that. Rather, let's reflect on two things; 1. Last Friday was the 50th anniversary of the Fighting Irish's legendary upset of UCLA; ending their 88 game win streak. and 2. This (unrelated) quote from that UCLA team's center, Bill Walton, "My bike is my gym, my wheelchair and my church all in one". Ummm, what? - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-9 AMOV 3.61) - Penn falls to Harvard 70-61 in Philadelphia. But the ultimate indignity was Harvard math majors holding calculators and chanting Penn’s dwindling win-expectancy in the final minutes of the game. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (8-9 AMOV 2.76) - This week’s journey for Penn State was again a tale of 2 seasons. The Lions first defeated highly ranked Wisconsin 87-83 at home, then lost on the rhoad to that team from Ohio 79-67. After the home win, fans stormed the court—no doubt a reflection of extended pregaming afforded students after classes were cancelled due to bad weather. With this latest rhoad loss, the Nittany Lions are now winless on the rhoad for the season—prompting first year head coach Mike Rhoades to officially change his last name to Homer. - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (12-6- AMOV 8.33) - Bryce Hopkins Vigil, Week 3: Friars seemingly have found a path to the Big Dance...just play DePaul every game for the rest of the season. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (11-6- AMOV 8.29) - After beating the Rhode Island Rams by 35 points the St. Bonaventure Bonnies dipped back down and lost a game to the George Mason Patriots 69 -60. It's been a real roller coaster ride for the Bonnies this year with fans never knowing what to expect. Next week the Bonnies travel to Pittsburgh to take on Duquesne - will it be Jeckyl or Hyde? Bonnie or Clyde who show up for the Bonnies? Nobody knows - tune in ! - James Healy
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (2-19 AMOV -14.90) - In a loss to Merrimack this week Stonehill Men’s basketball used its 12th different starting line up tying it for third most in the country in the Division 1 level. Nice to be so highly ranked in something!
-BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (14-5 AMOV 9.32) - Vermont traveled to Binghamton on Thursday night and pummeled the Bearcats, 82-62. The people in Binghamton welcomed the visitors from Burlington with hearty handshakes and slaps on the back. Typically, people only stop in Binghamton if they need lunch on the drive from New York to Buffalo. - Clayton Trutor
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (12-6 AMOV 11.56) - Bentley men’s hoop defeated Pace to move into third place in the conference. Kellan Bochenek hit six three pointers, all from the left side of the court. I can relate as I only played on one side of the court when I played: the offensive end. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (14-2 AMOV 12.62)- Bentley women’s basketball crushed Southern Connecticut by 19 pts, holding them to 28% from the floor and 15% from distance; prompting the Southern Connecticut coach to inspect the rims at halftime to see if they had been replaced by the rims used at local carnivals. Several players were seen leaving the gym after the loss clutching giant stuffed animals. - Paul Nardizzi
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (10-7 AMOV 3.00) - Penn took a tough loss to Harvard, 69-56, as Crimson junior Harmoni Turner tied her career-high of 31 points and added 10 rebounds, six assists and two steals. Then she took a seat on the Harvard bench and completed a term paper on quantum physics. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-14 - AMOV -8.89) - A look at the box score showed "M. McConnell" led Duquesne to a 76-67 win over Bonaventure with a game high 17 points. Really impressive given that I’m pretty sure that a month or so ago I saw M. McConnell catatonic on Capitol Hill. - Isaac Howson
Stonehill Skyhawks - Women's NCAA D1 (2-17 AMOV -18.95) - In a recent win over Wagner, Stonehill Women’s basketball junior guard Sharn Hayward made 11 3-point shots and was featured on ESPN. The only time anyone was on TV when I was at Stonehill was when there was a fight in a bar in Brockton and the local news was slow.
Sharn is from Penguin, Tasmania (population 6,729) which is known for penguins and is 10,529 miles from Boston. How do you convince your athletic director that you need to go on a recruiting trip almost as far away as the sun? “Hey Boss! I really need to go see this shooter from down under. There’s more penguins than people living there, but she can really shoot the rock”. Congratulations Sharn! -BMC Class of '88
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - January 17, 2024
1. Grand Canyon Lopes - 16-1 - AMOV 15.00 - beat 3 Loss SD St. & 4 Loss San Fran
2.Kansas Jayhawks - 15-2- AMOV 12.88 - beat 3L UK & UConn, & Okl & 4L Tenn and TCU
3.Mississippi Rebels - 15-1 - AMOV 8.12 - beat 2 loss Memphis & 4 loss NC St
4.Purdue Boilermakers - 16-2 - AMOV - 15.78 -beat 2L Samford & 4L AZ, Tenn &Illinois
5.Princeton Tigers - 14-1 AMOV 15.47
6.Houston Cougars - 14-2 - AMOV 23.38 - beat 2 loss Dayton
7. Utah State Aggies - 16-2 AMOV 13.78 - beat 3L Colorado St. & 4L Akron and SFran
8. UConn Huskies - 15-2 - AMOV 17.53 - Beat 3L UNC & 4L Texas
9. Baylor Bears - 14-3 AMOV - 15.94 - Beat 2L Auburn, 3L Cornell, BYU & 4L Cincy
10. Texas Tech Red Raiders 14-2 AMOV 12.81 - Beat 4L Texas & KState
11. BYU Cougars - 14-3 AMOV 22.06 - Beat 3L SD St & 4L NC St & Iowa St
12. Nevada Wolf Pack - 15-2 - AMOV 13.76 - beat 4L TCU
13. Auburn Tigers - 14-2 AMOV 18.38
14.McNeese State Cowboys - 14-2 - AMOV 17.69
15 James Madison Dukes - 15-2- AMOV 16.71
16.Samford Bulldogs 16-2 AMOV 15.56
17. Dayton Flyers - 14-2 - AMOV 8.62 - Beat 4L Cincy
18. S.Carolina Gamecocks - 14-3 -AMOV 8.06 - beat 1L Grand Canyon, 3L GW & 4L Miss St.
19. Drake Bulldogs - 14-3 - AMOV 10.41 Beat 2L Nevada, 3L Indiana St. & 4L Akron
20. New Mexico Lobos - 15-3 - AMOV 14.22 - Beat 2L Utah St & 3L SD St.
21. North Carolina Tar Heels - 13-3 - AMOV 14.25 - Beat 3L Oklahoma & 4L Tenn & NCSt
22. Memphis Tigers - 15-2 - AMOV 7.41
23.Kentucky Wildcats - 12-3 - AMOV - 14.80 - Beat 3L Miami & UNC
24.Colorado State Rams - 14-3 - AMOV 12.88 - beat 3L NM & 4L Creighton
25. Duke Blue Devils - 13-3 - AMOV 15.94 - Beat 3L Baylor
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (12-4 AMOV 14.25) The Fighting Illini succumbed to an inevitable loss to an unranked team on Sunday as they joined seven other top ten teams to do so this week. Illinois only managed to shoot 32.8% from the field. While that is a horrible stat it's still probably a higher percentage than what DeSantis and Haley will get combined in the Iowa Caucus against Trump...and it didn't cost them $70 million. - Mike Hurley
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Men's NCAA D1 (7-10 AMOV -2.24) - Busy week for the Florida State athletic department. On Saturday, the Seminoles hoops team beat Notre Dame 67-58 for their fourth straight win. Two days prior, their football team was sanctioned by the NCAA for NIL rules violations. Come on, FSU , everyone knows cheating never pays off in the end. Just ask Michigan. Oh. Wait. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-7 AMOV 5.69) - Penn spent a week off prepping for a big matchup against Cornell. Fans of “The Office” are just wondering whether the a cappella group Here Comes Treble will sing the national anthem. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (8-9 AMOV 2.76) - Penn State lost both of their 2 games this week—a home loss in a tightly contested affair to Northwestern 76-72 and an away loss to consensus #1 Purdue 95-78 in a game where the final score was much closer than the actual game ever was. After hours of extensive research—including in-depth analysis of both pre-game info and post-game pressers from the coaches—as well as careful consideration of where this leaves the 8-9 Nittany Lions, my esteemed and informed take on the current state of play from this team is, in a word, “Meh”. - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (11-6- AMOV 6.59) - Bryce Hopkins Post Mortem Entry Week 2: PC loses a bunch of games but lands a top tier recruit, which will be great for a year before he transfers. You know it's a tough season when you are excited about players that haven't played yet. I guess this is what it's like to be a Jets fan. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (10-5- AMOV 7.67) - St Bonaventure dropped an 80 - 74 A10 game at home to the Fordham Rams. Chad Venning again led the Bonnies in scoring while Charles Pride recorded a double double but it still wasnt quite enough! The loss was a wasted opportunity for the Bonnies to improve to 2-1 in A10 play - but that pales in comparison as to how coach Schmidt keeps wasting 6ft8 Barry Evans on the bench - only giving him 7 minutes of play even though he is in the top 3 for steals and rebounding. Wasted away in Bonanationville!! - James Healy
St. John's Red Storm - Men's NCAA D1 (12-5 - AMOV 8.76) - Rick Pitino doesn’t take losing lightly. Following the Red Storm’s 66–65 loss to Creighton on Saturday in Omaha, Pitino offered a rather blunt statement on the loss: “I don’t feel good when we lose. I f------ hate the world. . . . I don’t believe in those ‘valiant efforts’ on the road. I feel like I want to kill myself, jump in the cold and die of frostbite.” Message to the SJU players: Temps this week in NYC will be well below zero so If you like your coach I suggest you beat both Seton Hall and Marquette! - Brendan Angelini
Stonehill Skyhawks - Men's NCAA D1 - (2-16 AMOV -15.56) - With Stonehill’s non-conference play thankfully in the rear view mirror they can say goodbye to the 30+ point drubbings to the more watchable NEC conference losses such as the one this week to LIU where they lost by a mere five points (73-68). Having such a tough start to the season Stonehill has only 14 remaining games to hit their stride. The good news these guys only have to endure 14 more games till they can plan for senior week on Cape Cod. -BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (13-5 AMOV 8.72) - UVM fandom had their mind elsewhere this week as sports gambling began in Vermont on Thursday. Rather than seeing the Catamounts beat NJIT on Saturday, most of their fans spent the day coming to the realization that Bonus Bets on Fan Duel isn't just money you can withdraw to spend on Genny Cream and Hot Pockets. - Clayton Trutor
Washington State Cougars - Men's NCAA D1 (12-5 - AMOV 8.71) Arizona took an unbecoming loss on Saturday in its last trip to Pullman as a member of the Pac-12 and coach Tommy Lloyd suffered a mild injury when he picked up his bag at the airport, which was heavier than normal because Washington State football coach Jake Dickert had stowed away for the trip from Pullman to Tucson. Reached for comment, Dickert said he was happy in his role and had no interest in the Arizona football job. - Shawn O'Neal
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (10-6 AMOV 12.06) - Bentley hit on 23 three pointers to shatter the school record in a 106-71 win over Felician! I think as a coach, what I’d tell my players after a loss like that is, if we don’t count their layups, mid range shots, dunks and all the free throws, we won this sucker 71-69. Good job. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women's NCAA D2 (13-2 AMOV 12.20)- Bentley downed Malloy in the first of its four game religious section of the schedule. It will face Holy Family next, then Assumption and finally St. Rose. Not sure if these schools have stained glass backboards. - Paul Nardizzi
Marietta College Pioneers - Women's NCAA D3 - (10-5 AMOV 8.33) - Marietta College plays its home basketball games in the famed Ban Johnson Field House, named after one of its famous alumnus who went on to become the founder and first president of baseball’s American League. The Johnson family is happy to have been recognized this way, particularly in contrast with the "honor" received when a town Kansas decided to name its collegiate summer baseball team after him: the Bee Jays. - Mark Hoover
Notre Dame Fighting Irish - Women's NCAA D1 (12-3 AMOV 25.73) - From the advanced Irish analytics department: On Thursday, Notre Dame waxed Boston College by 50 points, 98-48. Up the road a couple hours later, the Milwaukee Bucks trounced the not-so-lucky Boston Celtics by 33 points, 135-102. A rollercoaster, indeed, but the Leprechaun emerged from his busy night in the Midwest with a respectable +17. - Rick Condon
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (9-6 AMOV 3.40) - Penn’s tallest player is 6-4 Dutch standout Floor Toonders. No word on whether her teammates call her “Ceiling.” But they should. C’mon. - David Yas
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Women's NCAA D1 (4-12 - AMOV -7.69) - George Washington defeated the Bonnies 78-62 on Sunday despite having to trek there in a massive storm. Predictable. GW knows how to get results during bad weather ever since Valley Forge. - Isaac Howson
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - January 9, 2024
1.Houston Cougars - 14-0 - AMOV 27.00 - beat 2 loss Dayton
2. Purdue Boilermakers - 14-1 - AMOV - 17.47 -beat 2L Samford & 3L AZ, Tenn &Illinois
3.Kansas Jayhawks - 13-1 - AMOV 13.43 - beat 2L UK & UConn, & 3L Tenn and TCU
4. S.Carolina Gamecocks - 13-1 -AMOV 11.93 - beat 1L Grand Canyon, 3L GW & Miss St.
5. Utah State Aggies - 14-1 AMOV 15.73 - beat 2L Colorado St.
6. Oklahoma Sooners - 13-1 - AMOV 18.50 - beat 3L Iowa St.
7. Grand Canyon Lopes - 14-1 - AMOV 14.60 - beat 2L SD St.
8. Nevada Wolf Pack - 14-1 - AMOV 15.27 - beat 3L TCU
9.Mississippi Rebels - 13-1 - AMOV 7.07 - beat 2-loss Memphis & 3 loss NC St
10. BYU Cougars - 12-2 AMOV 26.00 - Beat 2 loss SD St & 3 loss NC St
11 James Madison Dukes - 14-1 - AMOV 16.93
12.Princeton Tigers - 14-1 AMOV 15.29
13. Baylor Bears - 11-2 AMOV - 19.85 - Beat 2L Auburn and 3L Cornell
14. UConn Huskies - 12-2 - AMOV 18.67 - Beat 3L Texas & UNC
15.Kentucky Wildcats - 10-2 - AMOV - 16.46 - Beat 3L Miami & UNC
16. Cincinnati Bearcats - 12-2 - AMOV 15.86 - Beat 2L BYU
17.Colorado State Rams - 13-1 - AMOV 15.86 - beat 2L NM
18. Auburn Tigers - 11-2 AMOV 17.67
19. McNeese State Cowboys - 12-2 - AMOV 18.21
20. Dayton Flyers - 12-2 - AMOV 8.79 - Beat 2L Cincy
21. New Mexico Lobos - 13-2 - AMOV 15.67
22 Samford Bulldogs 13-2 AMOV 15.27
23. George Mason Patriots - 13-2 - AMOV 10.13 - Beat 3L Cornell
24. Texas Tech Red Raiders 12-2 AMOV 13.36 - Beat 3L Texas
25. Indiana St Sycamores 13-2 AMOV 14.73
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Illinois Fighting Illini - Men's NCAA D1 (11-3 AMOV 16.71) After destroying Northwestern by 30 on Tuesday, Illinois headed to the middle of nowhere (West Lafayette, Indiana) to face the #1 AP ranked team in the nation--Purdue. While Illinois staged a huge second-half comeback in their second game without their star player, it wasn't enough to overtake the Boilermakers. But it wasn't so much the player-of-the-year (the freakishly tall Zach Edey) who was a problem for the Illini as it was Trey Kaufman-Renn who scored a career high 23 points. His name sounds like a Star Wars character, perhaps a cousin of Kylo Ren, and he had to summon all of the Jedi tricks he learned from his Uncle Luke to overcome the Illini's late game surge. The teams meet again in March, and we'll see if Kylo, I mean Trey, can once again summon forces from the Dark Side while in Champaign. He won't be able to use his light saber this time since Illinois has much stricter laws against those than does Indiana. (Note: any references to Star Wars were thoroughly researched for up to 90 seconds on Wikipedia). - Mike Hurley
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (9-7 AMOV 5.69) - The Dartmouth Big Green were trounced by Penn, 80-51. The team will now be known as the Medium Green. - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (8-7 AMOV 4.53) - Penn State went 1-1 for the week, losing badly at Michigan St. 92-61 before holding off Michigan 79-73. The Michigan game was played at The Palestra, where associate coach Phil Martelli served as head coach for the Wolverines, as a gesture from Michigan’s head coach Juwan Howard for Martelli’s many years as head coach of St. Joseph’s. The Nittany Lions have Phil’s son, assistant coach Jimmy Martelli, on their staff this year, as a nod towards guys named Jimmy. - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's NCAA D1 (11-4- AMOV 8.93) - Friars fans worst nightmare: no, it's not the mascot...well, actually kinda yeah it is the mascot, have you seen that thing? It should be rated NC-17. But seriously the Hopkins injury is a close second. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (10-4- AMOV 8.64) - The Bonnies stayed below the Mason Dixie line hoping to complete a 2-0 southern sweep but lost a tough game at Richmond 65-54 dropping their record to 10-4 overall and 1-1 in A10 play. The Spiders played tough defense on the Bonnies who scored 44 points in the first half alone just 3 days before at VCU. The Bonnies head back north hosting back to back games vs Fordham & Rhode Island. Fans are hoping coach Schmidt can find fan favorite 6ft8 220 lb Barry Evans again who apparently can't be found to be put into the game!! - James Healy
St. John's Red Storm - Men's NCAA D1 (11 - 4 - AMOV 9.87) - Weather Alert!! - This weekend the Villanova Wildcats had to deal with two storms : first the St. John’s RedStorm won on their campus for the first time since 1993. Then their fans had to drive home in a snowstorm. Good thing those Range Rovers and BMW’s come in All Wheel Drive. - Brendan Angelini
Stonehill Skyhawks - NCAA D1 Men - (2-15 AMOV -16.06) - Stonehill suffered another tough loss last week going down 79-64 to Binghamton. This was the Skyhawks seventh straight loss. Things have gotten so bad for Stonehill hoops this early season the fans in Easton could be heard cheering for Bailey Zappe. -BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (11-5 AMOV 8.19) - Vermont starts the second semester tonight. They will not lose again this season until they have a 9:57 PM start time on Tru TV. - Clayton Trutor
Washington State Cougars - Men's NCAA D1 (10-5 - AMOV 9.13) In what could be their last trip to Pullman after more than 100 years, Oregon took an 89-84 win over Washington State Saturday night. The Ducks then had to walk to the airport through three miles of snow and wind in their game gear after their bus went missing and their dressing room was turned into a de facto garage sale during the second half by Wazzu President Kirk Schulz, attempting to recoup his school’s financial losses from the disintegration of the Pac-12. Oregon coach Dana Altman immediately fired his DOBO for failing to note the evening’s promotion was “Steal Oregon’s Shit Night.” - Shawn O'Neal
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (9-5 AMOV 10.79) - The Bentley men's team resumed play on January 3rd. Since they played Assumption I made one. This game should should have been renamed The Hangover Bowl - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women NCAA D2 (10-2 AMOV 11.42)- The Bentley women's team lost a recent recent match to Holy Family. This was a game we were all lucky to have not seen. Bentley shot 25.9% from the field and also from three. Holy Family shot 7.7% from 3 and 32% from the field, causing the score keeper to accidentally record the game as Brickley vs Holy _#$&&! - Paul Nardizzi
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (8-6 AMOV 2.64) - In Penn’s 79-66 loss to Columbia, junior Stina Almqvist was a bright spot for the Quakers with 17 points, though not quite the 24 points Almqvist's surname would be worth in Words With Friends. - David Yas
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
Domination Rankings - Men's D1 Only - January 3, 2024
1.Houston Cougars - 13-0 - AMOV 26.54 - beat 2 loss Utah and Dayton
2. James Madison Dukes - 13-0 - AMOV 19.77
3.Mississippi Rebels - 13-0 - AMOV 9.62 - beat 2-loss Memphis & 3 loss NC St & UCF
4. BYU Cougars - 12-1 AMOV 28.85 - Beat 2 loss SD St & 3 loss NC St & Evansville
5. Purdue Boilermakers - 13-1 - AMOV - 18.36 -beat 2L Samford & 3L AZ, Tenn & Marq
6. Clemson Tigers - 11-1 - AMOV 13.08 - Beat 1L S Car, 2L TCU & 3L Davidson
7. Kansas Jayhawks - 12-1 AMOV 14.31 - beat 2L UK & UConn, & 3L Tenn and IU
8. S.Carolina Gamecocks - 12-1 -AMOV 12.38 - beat 1L Grand Canyon 2L GW
9. Colorado State Rams - 13-1 - AMOV 15.86 - beat 2L NM & Colorado
10. Oklahoma Sooners - 12-1 - AMOV 19.31 - beat 2 loss PC
11. Nevada Wolf Pack - 12-1 - AMOV 13.92 - beat 2L TCU
12. Grand Canyon Lopes - 12-1 - AMOV 14.46 - beat 2L SD St.
13. Utah State Aggies - 13-1 AMOV 16.50
14.Princeton Tigers - 12-1 AMOV 14.08 - beat 3L Duquesne
15. UConn Huskies - 12-2 - AMOV 19.50 - Beat 2L Texas & 3L IU & UNC
16. Baylor Bears - 11-2 AMOV - 19.85 - Beat 2L Auburn and 3L Fla & Cornell
17.Kentucky Wildcats - 10-2 - AMOV - 17.67 - Beat 2L Miami & 3L St.Joe's & UNC
18. Iowa State Cyclones - 10-2 - AMOV 27.15
19. Utah Utes - 11-2 - AMOV - 12.38 - Beat 1L BYU & 3L Wake Forest
20. Illinois Fighting Illini - 11-2 - AMOV 18.38 - beat 3L FAU & NW
llinois kicks off its Big 10 schedule with a visit from Northwestern and their star player Boo Buie. I don't care that he averages 17.9 points per game or that he torched Illinois for 50 points in two games last year, his name is funny to say. Reminds me of Boo Berry cereal, or Yogi's pal Boo-Boo, or Baba Booey of Howard Stern fame. It's even funnier if you say it several times in a row--Boo Buie Boo Buie Boo Buie Boo Buie Boo Buie. - Mike Hurley
21. Auburn Tigers - 11-2 AMOV 17.67 - beat 3L St. Bona & IU
22.Drake Bulldogs - 12-2 - AMOV 12.14 - Beat 1L Nevada
23 Miami Hurricanes - 10-2 - AMOV 14.92 - Beat 3L UCF, Kansas St, Georgia - 987.42
24. McNeese State Cowboys - 10-2 - AMOV 20.00
25. TCU Horned Frogs - 11-2 - AMOV 19.31
Others Receiving Humor: - provided by real comedians and mostly real humor writers for their alma maters.
Penn Quakers - Men's NCAA D1 (8-6 AMOV 5.86) - Penn fell to #3 Houston, 81-42. As my grandfather used to say, "in a fight between a cougar and a Quaker, take the cougar. No one ever got mauled to death by a Quaker.” - David Yas
Penn State Nittany Lions - Men's NCAA D1 (7-6 AMOV 7.15) - Penn State finished off 2023 in style, jumping out to a 44-24 halftime lead on the way to a 90-63 defeat of Rider. Sophomore guard Kanye Clary paced the Nittany Lions attack with a career best 29 points. The Broncs—not the Broncos, but the Broncs—were led by redshirt senior Mervin James, who scored a team high 19 points and who, by law, is nicknamed “Swervin”. - Michael Dinga Class of '86
Providence College Friars - Men's D1 (11-2 - AMOV 11.31) - Jesus bumps the Friars two up from 25 to 23 in the AP Poll for not playing during his birthday week. - Mike Rusconi
St. Bonaventure Bonnies - Men's NCAA D1 (9-3- AMOV 10.08) The St Bonaventure Bonnies won a 1 point thriller 62-61 over Akron. The Bonnies now take a 9-3 record into its A10 conference schedule where they begin with a southern swing down to VCU & Richmond. Lets hope the Bonnies feast on this southern cooking and return north licking their fingers. - James Healy
Stonehill Skyhawks - NCAA D1 Men - (2-13 AMOV -26.92) - Stonehill traveled to Durham New Hampshire last week for a match up against 7-3 University of New Hampshire. Stonehill remained consistent losing 75-62. Attendance was 410 which is 2.7% of the UNH student body. Sounds discouraging until you realize Republican Presidential Candidate Chris Christie spoke to 57 freshman co-ed’s, two librarians and an on the clock janitor at nearby Keene State University a few day’s earlier. -BMC Class of '88
Vermont Catamounts - Men's NCAA D1 (9-5 AMOV 8.79) - Vermont starts the second semester tonight. They will not lose again this season until they have a 9:57 PM start time on Tru TV. - Clayton Trutor
Yeah, I know the below school isn't D1, but the joke is funny.
Bentley Falcons - Men's NCAA D2 (7-5 AMOV 9.58) - Bentley hit on 23 three pointers to shatter the school record in a 106-71 win over Felician! I think as a coach, what I’d tell my players after a loss like that is, if we don’t count their layups, mid range shots, dunks and all the free throws, we won this sucker 71-69. Good job. - Paul Nardizzi
And as some evidence that we have not abandoned our mission of equality:
Bentley Falcons - Women NCAA D2 (8-2 AMOV 10.20)- Bentley downed Malloy in the first of its four game religious section of the schedule. It will face Holy Family next, then Assumption and finally St. Rose. Not sure if these schools have stained glass backboards.
- Paul Nardizzi
Marietta College Pioneers - Women's NCAA D3 - (8-3 AMOV 11.09) - The team finished off 2023 with big win over Oberlin College who had been 9-1 going into the contest. Following the game, the Oberlin mascot, Yeobie the Albino Squirrel, was asked what it thought about the result. Apparently the mascot of very few words replied “Nuts.” - Mark Hoover
Penn Quakers - Women's NCAA D1 (8-5 AMOV 3.85) - Penn takes on Columbia Saturday and then again on Jan. 27, as the rivalry is renewed between the two institutions that every Harvard and Yale kid employed as safety schools. - David Yas
Others Receiving Praise:
Kenneth Massey - Without Kenneth's statistical assistance Dave would be spending another 25 hours putting this together. Please check out masseyratings.com. It's amazing.
